IHR induction #42: "Puppet Master" (1989, David Schmoeller)

Well, this marks a first for the International (National) Horror Registry - a direct-to-video film. Remember the days of rampant, brick-and-mortar video stores, loyal reader? Remember countless classic VHS covers looking back at you, often with words like "Massacre" and "School" screaming back at you along with the bloody images? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

To be sure, "Puppet Master" is some kind of revolutionary film. Not in the way that anything it does is minty fresh - you've seen a thousand "killer doll" movies before this one, and probably a thousand after. But "Puppet Master" was the proof that not only COULD a movie that didn't have any sort of theatrical release do gangbusters business, but that it could hold water among some stiff competition in the horror community, and be kinda-sorta recognized as a modern classic in its own right. In addition to that, it put its film studio on the map. Full Moon Pictures, which has gone on to produce approximately 9,000 low-budget doll-related movies since (including about 1,000 sequels to this particular motion picture), was in its VERY early days when Blade, Tunneler, Leech Woman and the rest came along. After that, it became a veritable factory. This movie was very much the project designed to make a name for Full Moon, with studio head Charles Band even penning the script.

Since this IS a DTVHS film, however, you probably know what you're getting. The actors may be decidedly non-Shakesperian, the budget may be nineteen leagues below anything Michael Bay has ever even THOUGHT about attempting, and some of the writing may be a bit...suspect, but who cares? You've got killer dolls, a couple sex scenes, some admittedly awesome kill scenes, and an intereseting twist on the slasher subgenre, and you indeed do have a movie that deserves the "modern classic" tag.

THE MOVIE!!

The first scene in this movie introduces us to Andre Toulon (William Hickey), creator of several bizarre "living" marionette puppets brought back to life via some very shady Egyptian magic, is putting the finishing touches on his newest creation, Shredder Khan (who is summarily never seen again). The time period: 1939, pre-war America (California's Bodega Bay Inn to be exact). Almost as if on cue, two Nazi spies burst into the hotel with hostile intent, prompting Toulon to shoot himself in the mouth before the Nazis are able to capture his creations.

Flash forward fifty years, where we meet our true primary characters in the movie. As opposed to having a group of teen/college students serving as fodder for the killer dolls, which would have been the wholly expected and wholly welcome thing, Puppet Master takes a truly bizarre turn and gives us a group of adult psychics as protagonists, or antagonists, depending on your point of view. I say antagonists because with the exception of Paul Le Mat's Alex character, every single one of these mentally gifted adults is a douchebag in some way or another.

Here's the The simple setup of "Puppet Master": the psychics are drawn to the Bodega Bay Inn because they all have disturbing dreams involving the place believed to have been sent from Neil Gallagher (Jimmie Skaggs, who is pretty slimy - as well as hammy - in this role). Little do they know that Andre Toulon's creations from half-a-century ago are still around, and are none too pleased about the master's home being invaded by these guys. As the script goes swimmingly along, the film takes on a very familiar "slasher movie" approach, as two of the characters - Alex and Megan (Robin Frates) - immediately stand out as the only two people in the movie that don't scream "kill me" within the first 30 minutes. Our big climax arrives after the puppets have disposed of all the secondary psychics, leading to a pretty predictable twist involving the Neil Gallagher character.

This flick's ace in the hole amidst all the tedium is the puppets themselves. In a movie with some pretty uninspired concepts and execution (even the direction by David Schmoeller looks drab), one would expect the puppets to be the same - but you would be very, very wrong. The little devils are designed well, the stop-motion photography is decidedly less than mock-worthy, and the ways that they dispose of their victims in the movie results in some pretty ingenious stuff, especially the death scene during the movie's climax. While I've significantly downgraded by stance on this movie over the years, one thing that hasn't fell off at all is my love for this one particular kill scene, which is still just as long, protracted and graphic even after 15 viewings. Awesome, awesome stuff.

The quick rundown on the cool killer dolls of "Puppet Master" for the uninitiated:
Blade - trenchcoat wearing master of stabbing weapons, with a knife for one hand and hook for another
Leech Woman - The group's only female, who vomits bloodsucking leeches onto her victims, which leads to another classic death scene
Pinhead - No, not Doug Bradley; this movie's Pinhead is the "brute strength" puppet of the bunch, ever-present in a lot of the movie's scarier moments.
Tunneler - Some of the movie's bloodiest moments are because of this guy, aptly named because he has a drill built into his head.
And, amazingly enough, there are several more, both in this movie and in the sequels.

Well, it's conclusion paragraph time. What more is there to know about "Puppet Master?" There's a pretty enjoyable performance by Paul Le Mat, some excellent special effects work from David Allen (with both the puppet and gore effects), and some pretty damn amazing kill scenes. In between, there's a whole heap o' tedium, but if you can get through this movie's more mundane moments, there's a pretty big reward to reap. For the record, if you want a "Puppet Master" movie that has a more satisfying story, go with the third entry, which focuses entirely on Andre Toulon during the days of World War II. That one doesn't just have some awesome new toys, but some genuinely GOOD actors to boot.

IHR induction #41: "Marebito" (2004, Takashi Shimizu)

This sort of thing doesn't happen often; usually, after seeing a movie for the first time, I'm able to make a snap judgment and stick to that judgment for the rest of my life. They're not supposed to haunt the viewer, to make them question various events that take place throughout the running time and pay close attention even on subsequent viewings for any and all small details. "Marebito" is just such a movie. Almost two years after watching it for the first time, I still don't know quite what to make of it, and while ordinarily this is a very frustrating plot aspect, it all somehow feels completely at home within this prime slice of J-horror goodness.

First things first, I'm a big mark for the guy behind the madness. Takashi Shimizu is somewhere on my figurative Mount Rushmore of horror directors, but Marebito was a HUGE departure for the guy. Up until this point, Shimizu had cut his teeth on the "Ju-On" series, both Stateside and in Japan, having cranked out five movies starring his meal ticket Kayako Saeki within short order. The "Ju-On" and "Grudge" films are, for better or worse (depending on your outlook) all the same - a certain croaking villain, a dark, mysterious atmosphere, and a decidedly non-gory tone. Within the first five minutes of "Marebito," the audience is treated to the sight of a man ramming a knife directly through his own eyeball. Amazingly enough, this is only the beginning of the insanity.

It does virtually no good to explain the plot of this film. If you really want the complete blow-by-blow, look it up on Wikipedia. The bare bones version is this: extremely morbid photojournalist Masuoka (Shinya Tsukamoto) is in search of the ultimate in fear, and with the AFOREMENTIONED knife-ramming incident as his impetus (which he caught on tape, conveniently enough), descends into the Tokyo underworld to find it. From here ensues one of the most baffling narratives in the history of film, comprising flashback, hallucination, things which may or may not be, and ultimately winding up leaving the viewer completely shell-shocked as to what they've just seen. And this isn't just the words of some J-horror obsessed loser; essentially, damn near everyone that I've talked to about this flick has the same experience. Namely, "the hell?"

There have been other horror movies that are less about their A-Z plot development than their hallucinogenic flavoring, and "Marebito" is the "Citizen Kane" of this type of movie. Every major and minor event in the movie is off-the-charts weird, starting with what the movie is really all about - Masuoka's discovery of a restrained, nude mute girl (played by Tomomi Miyashita in an ungodly performance). Taking her back to his apartment and naming her "F," the relationship (which is completely non-sexual) unspools, as Masuoka finds out that this girl is barely a step up from feral. Oh yeah, there's also the catch that the only thing she will eat or drink is human blood...

The other central theme of this movie is the nature of urban legends. Of course, the "city within a city" myth has always been a popular topic of discussion in the "unexplained phenomena" community via the hollow earth theory and the works of Richard Sharpe Shaver. Shaver himself is actually name-dropped within the movie several times, and for the uninitiated, he claimed to know the reason for virtually every problem on Earth - detrimental robots, or "deros," demonic, sadistic beings left behind by alien visitors centuries ago, engage in every practice from abducting women to causing natural disasters. Yup. That's what Shaver wrote. In addition to the Deros (who look extremely creepy in the fleeting glimpses we get of them in this film), "Marebito" features Men in Black, Shangri-la, and, of course, hot feral chicks who lap up blood directly from freshly cut-open fingers.

As mentioned already (I've already got one AFOREMENTIONED in this induction and don't need another one, dammit!), this movie is far gorier than any movie that Shimizu had done before, or since. The "vampire" aspect of "F" is played up to full hilt and given to the audience to absorb in its entirety. In some of the more disturbing scenes, the character of Masuoka becomes a kind of murderous father to "F," killing innocent victims and bringing them back to his charge. Sick, sick stuff, and while there is the implication within the film that everything we are seeing is hallucination, these scenes have both symbolic and literal power.

By this point, you've probably decided whether or not "Marebito" is for you. Most assuredly, it's not for everyone. If you're expecting to walk away from a movie completely satisfied and with a clear understanding of the meaning of what you just saw, you're not going to get it with this film. If the more frustrating aspects of this kind of film don't bother you, however, there is much reward. While the movie is shot on digital video, Shimizu shows his deft hand with both camera tricks and coaxing phenomenal performances out of actors, as both Tsukamoto and Miyashita join the pantheon of great horror film performances (especially Miyashita).

Of course, the purpose of any horror movie is to scare the audience, and this is one of the very few movies that I've seen in the past five years that scared the bejesus out of me. In particular, Masuoka meeting a ghost underneath Tokyo and the game of cat-and-mouse with strange agents looking to reclaim "F" did quite the number on me. My most ringing endorsement? I began to watch this movie on a Friday night, as usual having not slept for almost 24 hours and fully ready to get lulled to sleep with a movie in the background. This movie, however, not only kept me awake, but absolutely ran me over, and continues to do so.

IHR induction #40: "The Wisdom of Crocodiles" (1998, Po-Chih Leong)

I don't know why, but I've been on a real vampire movie kick lately. It seems to be my latest OCD-ish horror buying obsession; way back in my infant-like beginning stages of Horror Nerd-ness, slasher flicks were my thing. After getting tossed aside like a $20 whore, J- and K-horror were my next conquest. Then Dario Argento. And now, after a long period of just buying whatever the hell I felt like, I'm all about Hammer Studios and a certain Gothic vampire played by Christopher "Never Seems to Age" Lee. Nevertheless, all this blood feasting jogged my memory, and made me search out one of my old favorites from the Horror Nerd library.

Ahhh..."The Wisdom of Crocodiles." Sure, it may say Immortality on the United States DVD cover, but it's still real (and European) to me, dammit! THIS particular motion picture was purchased by yours truly during a different, non-horror binge - that being a buying session devoted to my favorite actor of all time, Jude "The Pimp" Law. In the past, I've annoyed pretty much anyone who will listen yammering about the greatness of all things Jude, so the short, short version - there's actors who take easy roles and then do something slightly out of their element, netting instant Oscar gold, and then there's the ACTOR'S actors, who seek out challenges at every turn. That's Jude Law; he pulls off a seamless disappearing act in his movies...but wait, I'm yammering. Yeah, he's awesome, and it's not a man crush, I swear.

Well, "The Wisdom of Crocodiles" was a little independent horror movie released in the U.K. way back in 1998. It came out before Law's arrival Stateside via The Talented Mr. Ripley and the Oscar nomination put him on the A-list map and set him on the fast track to having enough money to afford a solid gold island. As such, what you get with this movie is the best of many different worlds; a screenplay that ignores the conventions of mainstream horror flicks (jump scares, easily digestible plots, emo teenage victim characters, etc.), and a young, hungry actor at the top of his game, eager to cut his teeth and prove his worth. Or something.

Long-winded introductory soliloquy is over. With that...

THE MOVIE!!
Most horror films wish they could be as good as the first twenty minutes of "The Wisdom of Crocodiles." We are introduced to Steven Grlscz (pronounced "Grillsh," and played by Law), a charming, likable man who saves a depressed woman from killing herself in London's subway. He takes her home to his apartment, impresses her with a few parlor tricks, guides her to his bedroom, begins making love to her, then bites her right in the freakin' neck and murders her. The screenplay isn't lazy with the implications of the act, either, as this part of the story lingers and lingers. Much like Norman Bates cleaning up after his mother during the middle sections of "Psycho," we see every aspect of Steven's body disposal, as he dumps the spent corpse in a remote swamp.

To state the obvious, Steven Grlscz is indeed a vampire, although the "V" word is never once even mentioned in the movie. The rules of vampirism in the world of "The Wisdom of Crocodiles" are completely unlike anything I've ever seen in a movie before. He is able to walk about freely in the daylight and he doesn't have overly theatrical fangs, for starters. As for the quirks that this story introduces, Grlscz has many. His victim choice is limited exclusively to women, and there seems to be a stipulation that the women must have some degree of love for him, hence the seduction aspect. He also seems to have next to no control over his bodily functions, requiring some sort of mechanical contraption to breathe while he sleeps. This is some weird movie.

As the movie's second act begins, Grlscz (who works by day as a sketch artist) meets Anne Levels (Elina Lowensohn, who is very likable and engaging in the role), a beautiful factory foreman who also suffers from debilitating asthma. I don't know how many beautiful female factory foreman exist in the world (since I work in a factory, and all of my bosses are Christian Bale-grizzled dudes), but I swear, it comes across as much more realistic than it sounds. There's your main plot cog, people - Grlscz sets his sights on Anne as his next victim to add her to his collection of trophies, with the wholly expected twist being that his love for kind-hearted Anne will eventually save him.

In this regard, there's nothing minty-fresh about this film. In its other touches, however, this is truly a one-of-a-kind vampire movie. For starters, it actually deals with the logistics of how a modern-day vampire would go about his business, and makes the movie-opening serial killer montage carry some weight as the body of Grlscz's initial victim is found. Rather than attempt to cover up and lie his way out of it, Grlscz takes an interesting approach to foiling the law - he becomes an active participant in the investigation, even becoming semi-friends Inspector Healey (Timothy Spall), the lead investigator in charge of the case. Instead of being an antagonistic relationship, the two characters become genuine friends, especially after Grlscz assists Healey recover his wedding ring from a gang of street punks.

Of course, it's the sordid details that really stick with you, and there's plenty to be had here. The opening murder scene, the strange collection of "emotions" that Grlscz has harvested from his victims (it seems that he somehow "absorbs" whatever each of his females feels about him at the moment of their death), and the scene where Anne has to deal with a dying co-worker after suffering a horrible on-the-job accident are all gritty aspects of the story that do tons to endear the story and make it stick out in your mind.

In the end, that's what makes this movie something special. "The Wisdom of Crocodiles" is just an inherently unique vampire film; the characters are well-crafted (even Inspector Healey is portrayed as sympathetic), the writing seems as logical as possible for a movie about a love-feeding vampire roaming about in modern-day London, and the acting is quite simply fantastic. You'd be hard-pressed to find five vampire films that feel as realistic as this one, but you'd also be hard-pressed to find five that are as emotional. Twi-tards, check this movie out - this, along with "Let the Right One In," represents the "vampire love story" done without absolutely neutering the subject matter.