Five Horror Movies I'd Like to See

First things first - for everyone out there hoping to see the remainder of the Tomie marathon, I hate to disappoint you, but that abomination is over.  Not to say that the series itself sucks.  Far from it.  But I would be lying if I told you that I felt any degree of satisfaction with that series of reviews.  Curtain pulling time for the Lick Ness Monster:  I have the goal of writing the best, most informative and entertaining review that I'm capable of, and I feel like I've accomplished this twice - Basket Case and Friday the 13th: A New Beginning.  Neither one of them, mind you, were done under the current review format, a.k.a. the laziest damn thing that I've ever done.  Thus, the next step for this here blog is a return to simplicity.  Classical meat and potatoes reviews are coming back, and they're coming back soon.

In the meantime, however, I'd like to do something else.  Shockingly, I have a daily life.  Oftentimes in this daily life, I get questions.  And just as frequently, there are answers.  A lot of people across this great fruited plain have an issue with my perceived negativity when it comes to modern movies in general, and occasionally even modern horror movies.  Unless you've been living under a rock, it seems like every big-time horror movie to hit the multiplex these days has some kind of connection to James Wan and falls under the "ghost movie" banner.

Now, I like ghost movies.  I really, truly do.  I enjoy the current trend that has reinvigorated the horror genre and brought it back from the brink of the remake-a-mania and forced-attrition-through-torture subgenres that dominated throughout much of the latter half of the oughts-leading into the tens.  Lately, though, it just seems that we're incapable of getting anything other than the damn things, aside from the still extremely redundant zombie flicks that bore me to tears no matter how they're portrayed, including straight-up comedically.  Warm Bodies, I'm looking at you.

What we're going to do here now is look at five different types of horror film that I would like to see grace theater screens in the not-too-distant future.  The only parameter I set for myself is that I can't list another iteration of Jason, Freddy or Michael, no matter how damn much I felt like it.

1.  SPEAKING OF ZOMBIE MOVIES...
I'm going to start with something that I believe would be refreshing not only for this guy, but for theater audiences at large who WILL get sick of the "urgh! brains!" brand of zombies no matter how much Hollywood seems to feel otherwise.  Some of the creepiest, most skin-crawling films I've ever seen involve zombies, and I'm not talking about the flesh-eating kind.  I'm talking the REAL kind - the human corpses that can be reanimated with potions and often associated with the voodoo religion.  This is a concept that can be mined for endless scares, as it was masterfully in Wes Craven's 1987 film adaptation of Wade Davis' book The Serpent and the Rainbow.  What I'm picturing here is a sort of modern version of that film, with a series of bizarre murders in a major city and a couple likable young detectives tracking down the perpetrators of the crime only to discover a vicious crime lord utilizing voodoo for both profit and pleasure.

For some added evidence as to just how effective this type of zombie can be in horror, just watch this and brace yourself for the willies.

2.  AQUATIC HORROR
I don't know what it is, but some of my favorite horror movies involve aquatic animals wreaking havoc on groups of unsuspecting human beings.  Psychological horror and deep-thinking are perfectly fine, but some of the things that scare me the most (OK, I'm a wuss) are the things that are the most basic.  Venturing into uncharted territory (water) and dealing with the locals falls under this banner.  Yeah, there are the Piranha films, but they're really much more in the comedy department, to say nothing of the similar like-styled SyFy original flicks that are entertaining only for shared voyeuristic masochism.  My suggestion?  A big-budget movie dealing with the "alligators in New York City sewers" urban legend, complete with a third act where a  swarm of giant albino alligatos escape the darkness of the sewer and are let free in, say, the East River.

3.  A REALISTIC SERIAL KILLER FILM
As good as Dexter can be as a television show, I find it to be bad to the point of unwatchable almost as often, because I don't know if I've ever seen a more unrealistic show that passes itself off as serious drama.  Seriously, how many close calls can one guy have?  No, folks, what I'm looking for here is a dirty, serious portrayal of perhaps the most real kind of monster that any of us could even conceivably run across on the bus or be living next to.  I picture a film following this guy from fantasy stage all the way up to the first kill to the escalation phase to the arrest, the gruesome crimes and occasional close calls with police building the tension until the audience is genuinely invested in his capture.  No sympathy, no weird moral code, just a real sick bastard portrayed on film for all the world to see.  Count me in.

4.  ANTHOLOGIES RULE!
I'm a sucker for a good anthology movie.  From Creepshow to Tales From the Dark Side to older Amicus flicks like The House that Dripped Blood, nothing can top the true variety and levels of bang for the buck that this kind of horror movie delivers.  That, and it just feels like you're watching a flick that belongs in the horror glory days of the '70s ad '80s when you sit through one.  We've gotten a mini-revival of anthology films over the last few years, but it seems like they have been subjected entirely to DVD and Blu-Ray formats.  I'm picturing a movie given a wide release on Halloween weekend portraying horrific incidents on that awesome day through the ages, from the original Samhain to a serial murder spree in the '70s to a modern witches' meeting.  And those ideas were culled from approximately .67 seconds of thought.  Surely a well-compensated screenwriter with weeks to think about it could come up with something that would rock our collective faces.

and finally...wait for it...
5.  GRUDGE 3D

I'm not giving up hope, dammit.

No pithy closing paragraph necessary.  Get to it, Hollywood!

Tomie: Beginning (2005)

2005
Directed by Ataru Oikawa
Starring Rio Matsumoto, Asami Imajuku and Kenji Mizuhashi

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.  Six movies into the franchise and all sorts of different (and weird) was to tell the story about a hell-harpy who causes murder and mayhem wherever she goes...and it was time for the prequel route.  While the initial manga's story HAD once been presented in the godawful Tomie: Another Face, this was supposed to be the big-time movie treatment version of the "high school havoc" Tomie that the first movie alluded to only in passing.  Sounds like a...well, sound plan in theory, but in practice, it turned out to be anything but.

Released to DVD in 2005, Tomie: Beginning is essentially the genesis (but not the Genesis of McGillicutty) of Part 2 of this franchise.  Every movie since has been straight-to-video.  Having not seen the final two entries as of yet, I can report that the change is definitely noticeable.  There's good cheap and bad cheap, and considering that we got some very gritty-yet-professional looking films before this, it's definitely the latter.  *sigh* I don't know what else to say at this point.  I try to at least make these introductory paragraphs somewhat long-looking so people don't just skip by them.  No salvage job possible now.  On with the show!

PLOT:  Rather than go the straight-laced route that would have been perfectly acceptable given this material, the film uses a framing device that is much hated by this reporter.  Yes, folks, we have the "taking place after the bulk of the action/mostly in flashback" storytelling method, and it's played to obnoxious effect.  The main character (in both flashback and present) is Reiko (Asami Imajuku), a nice, shy girl who finds herself befriending the new kid in class Tomie Kawakami (Rio Matsumoto).  Cue dreadful dreary music and a whole bunch of scenes that are meant to make us simultaneously sympathize with and be afraid of Tomie.  This movie actually takes on the challenge of sympathy a bit more than the others, giving Tomie a few monologues about how much it does indeed suck to die repeatedly, as well as going into a bit more of the intricacies involving her friendship with Reiko.  After the class (yes, I say the class as in every single member) takes the "this time around" trap of murdering Tomie, we switch back to the present day, as Reiko sits in the classroom years later talking to another former classmate only for Tomie herself to show up for the thrilling conclusion.  The stuff that takes place at the high school in the past is occasionally interesting, especially the Tomie-Reiko dynamic, but is mostly tedious, and the framing scenes are terminally boring in the way that Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior at Halloween Havoc '98 is.
PLOT RATING:  * 1/2 out of ****.

CHARACTERS AND ACTORS:  Rio Matsumoto, the actress playing Tomie, is certifiably hot.  She is - without a doubt - the most attractive of the women to portray the character.  So attractive, in fact, that I almost feel guilty pointing out how poor she is at the craft of emoting.  For most of the film, she does two things - smiles and laughs in a manner most vile, and it gets grating fast.  Imajuku is a bit better as Reiko, at least in the high school scenes - when we're dealing with the "older and wiser" version of the character, we've got a character about as convincing as Heather Langenkamp was in Nightmare on Elm Street 3.  For the record...that's the only thing I don't like about my second favorite horror movie of all time.  The rest of the kids are as disposable as moist towelettes, though, so don't expect to watch this movie and get much emotional resonance.
CHARACTERS AND ACTORS RATING: * 1/2 out of ****.

COOL FACTOR:  Outside of Matsumoto's hotness, you won't find much redeeming value.  The body count is pretty low.  Unless a demonic girl force-feeding cockroaches to unwitting victims is your idea of cool.  In which case this is your bag, baby.
COOL FACTOR: * out of ****.

OVERALL:  It should be made apparent by the above, but if it isn't, watching this movie isn't exactly a pleasant experience.  While the previous movies in the franchise had some mean stuff happening in them, this movie is actually a little mean-spirited, and it's expounded by just how cheaply shot it is.  What else is there?  I think I've got it covered.  Stay away from this one.

OVERALL RATING: * 1/2 out of ****.

Tomie: Forbidden Fruit (2002)

2002
Directed by Shun Nakahara
Starring Nozomi Ando, Aoi Miyazaki and Jun Kunimura

So now we're up to the "Temptation Island" portion of the Tomie saga.  For those who have been paying attention so far, this is one weird series of movies - so weird that no introductory paragraph could possibly convey its weirdness, not only in execution, but how downright different each movie in the series is from each other.  The first was all about character and slow-burning suspense based on what we know (and think we know) about the main character.  Replay seemed to be focused on being as much of a head-trip as possible while also delving into th actual science of the character.  Re-birth took the original manga's concept to the nth degree and showed us a true Goldberg Variation-esque effect that our main heroine/demon/siren has on a wide range of people.  This one...yeah, like I said, it's "Temptation Island" crossed with George Michael's "Father Figure," and I'm not so sure that it was the correct route to take.

Having said all that, this was the end of Tomie Kawakami, Version One.  At the time of its 2002 release (incredibly enough, the FIFTH film in the series released in a three-year time span), it was believed to be the final entry in the series.  A sizable enough gross and a sizable enough demand later and we've had several more films and probably another nineteen forthcoming.  However, this WAS the final time that the character would be trotted out with the red carpet theater treatment.  All future entries were essentially direct-to-DVD snoozers...but more on them later.  You'll get to listen to me metaphorically kill myself soon enough.

THE MOVIE!

PLOT:  Coming after the more large-scale and apocalyptic Replay and Re-birth chapters, this particular movie is very...insular, I guess, is the word.  For the vast majority of its running time, we're only concerned with three characters.  Our central heroine of sorts is young teenager Tomie Hashimoto (Aoi Miyazaki), slightly troubled teenage girl who spends her days at school getting bullied and finding solace in the homo-erotic fanfiction (not a joke) that she pens on a regular basis.  She lives alone with her widower father (Jun Kunimura), and their world is turned upside down in a manner that the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air would be damn proud of when Tomie Kawakami (Nozomi Ando) shows up in their lives.  It's not quite the usual brand of magic and seduction this time around; it's a much more slow and personal process, sometimes to the detriment of the story, as there are LONG stretches of this movie that feel like root canal.  Having said all of that, the third act is VERY intense if you're willing to stick around through all of the previous tedium.
PLOT RATING: ** 1/2 out of ****.

CHARACTERS AND ACTORS:  As usual, the producers in charge of the series were able to unearth quite a find when it comes to the title role.  The character of Tomie (the villainous one) this time around is on a much more focused, surgical mission to destroy one particular family.  As such, the role called for more emotional resonance and quiet menace, and Ando is able to pull off both quite well.  Miyazaki is also pretty likable as the OTHER Tomie, and is completely believable when it comes to some of the ridiculous stuff she is required to do (of which I can't include fanfiction because, hell, I've written a couple in my day).  The guy playing the dad, however, is milquetoast in the way that Professor Griff prophesized about; a decent portion of the flick's second act is devoted to this guy's background with Tomie Kawakami, and it is in those sections that the movie's drowsiness-inducing qualities make themselves known.
CHARACTERS AND ACTORS RATING: ** 1/2 out of ****.

COOL FACTOR:  I'm a firm believer in the idea that ANY subgenre of horror can be cool; it's not exclusive to slashers, zombie cinema, Kaiju or serial killer films.  I consider the two theatrical Ju-On films to be two of the coolest horror movies of all time, and there is barely a drop of blood to be had in them.  The template was there, and it's one that a couple of the earlier films in this series followed well.  This flick isn't one of them.  Until the third act, this film really is much more of a domestic squabble with some tension in the form of Tomie Kawakami seducing the father.  The film's inevitable money scene involving a couple "deaths" for Tomie even fall up flat on the coolness scale; the director was going for emotion with these scenes, but largely only succeeded in prolonging the running time.  Not good.
COOL FACTOR: * 1/2 out of ****.

OVERALL:  In doing some pawing around on the net, there are plenty of Tomie aficianadoes out there who enjoy this film a whole lot more than I do.  It certainly is different from anything we've seen from the concept before, but as we saw with Jason X, in this guy's opinion different does not necessarily always equal better.  The concept of Tomie is one that can be utilized in such amazingly cool ways, and most of those proposed fan fiction stories in my mind involve large-scale chaos and more than a few creative murders.  This movie seems much more focused on dwelling in the mundane.  Since this flick was intended to be the grand finale for the character on a cinematic basis, I'm not quite sure what the producers were thinking.  Maybe in retrospect and without the "this is the last one!" sentimentality it's a bit better, but Tomie Kawakami: Middle-Aged Cockteaser is just not a terribly compelling time in front of the TV.

OVERALL RATING: ** out of ****.  It's got its moments (particularly once the violence starts FINALLY hitting in the third act), but for the most part it's a tedious exercise in familial melodrama.  Worth a rental.

Tomie: Re-birth (2001)

2001
Directed by Takashi Shimizu
Starring Miki Sakai, Satoshi Tsumabuki, Masaya Kikawads and Shugo Oshinari

Back in the day (like, circa 2005-ish), I used to have fun perusing the aisles at the Hollywood Video in my college town.  For a chain store, this particular brick and mortar establishment had a pretty impressive stock.  Rows upon rows of VHS tapes, that ridiculously taped off porno section, an entire rack devoted to professional wrestling.  In other words, glory.  But while I spent the vast majority of my time in the place looking at the old-school horror aisle, there was always one video on the rack that always seemed to draw my attention.  The art, the freaky-looking hateful chick, the eerie clawed fingers...it was a perfect storm of seductive horrorific charm.  Yet, for some reason, I never rented the damn thing.  The epic conclusion?  It was Tomie: Re-birth.  And yes, folks, that weird hyphenation is indeed the correct title and, much like Colin Quinn, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  So imagine my shock when I begin my initial J-horror buying binge (I should really trademark that phrase) and see that exact same image looking back at me on Amazon.com.

Released a mere year after Tomie: Replay, it was with this flick that the series truly hit its apex.  For starters, it was directed by Takashi Shimizu, he of Ju-On fame - for my money the single greatest horror franchise of the 21st century.  Admittedly, there are some movies in the Tomie series that just go through the motions, but this guy seems to be genetically predisposed to do anything but go through the motions.  Even though the movie came out before the first theatrical Ju-On, his trademark style is all over this thing, with the slow-burning build-ups, high body count, artful lack of graphic violence and insanely eerie score that makes you question life and reality itself.  If any film company - American, Japanese, Bulgarian, you name it - ever decides to remake Suspiria, I PRAY that this is the guy who draws the assignment, because I believe him to be the only person in humanity who could possibly pull it off without reaching Rob Zombie levels of banality. 

I suppose that's enough ringing in.  On with the show.

PLOT:  It's a new day, and we've got a new Tomie - the name that has popped up in Japanese crime reports since the 19th century in murders, suicides and all other manner of debauchery.  This time around, the action is centered around a small group of college friends, affording us plenty of opportunity for chaos.  The movie starts with a bang, as aspiring artist Hideo (Shugu Oshinari) is painting a picture of Tomie only for her to insult the work.  Poor Hideo, in turn, resorts to killing the f**k out of his girlfriend with an art knife.  Hey, he was proud of that painting.  The movie never looks back, maintaining the same sense of forward momentum that was the hallmark of the Ju-On series as Tomie is soon reborn in customary fashion and just keeps building and building, bringing the two friends who help Hideo bury Tomie into the fray as well as one of the characters' mothers.  What makes this particular entry different from the previous is that two of the characters are VERY focused on actually killing Tomie.  Most of the films in the series have a LONG buildup to the initial murder, but the sheer desperation that this movie's "the cat that just keeps coming back" story is just loads of fun to watch. 
PLOT RATING: **** out of ****.

CHARACTERS AND ACTORS:  I've got to go with Miki Sakai as my personal favorite actress who has ever played the title role.  Much like he did with Takako Fuji, Shimizu really did strike gold when it came to casting his leading lady, as this version of Tomie comes across as decidedly much more freakin' evil than the previous versions.  She seems to take great joy in insulting her future victims and has few redeeming qualities - just the way I like a horror villain.  The central protagonists, however, aren't quite as engaging - these are Takumi (Satoshi Tsumabuki), one of the friends who shoveled dirt onto Tomie's lifeless body in the first act, along with his girlfriend Hitomi (Kumiko Endo).  I will, however, give ten Ric Flair cool points to Shin Kusaka, the aforementioned character mother who not only cuts off Tomie's head at one point in the film but happily insults said head while it is resting in a toilet.  Note to horror directors: there is some serious untapped potential in having heroic-yet-murderous loving maternal wenches in your movie.  This lady was just gold.
CHARACTERS AND ACTORS RATING: *** 1/2 out of ****.

COOL FACTOR:  Compared to what came before it, this film is much more focused on mayhem, and there are few Japanese horror film-makers who do it better than Shimizu.  Sure, there's Takashi Miike, but some of his films border on cartoon.  Tomie: Re-birth has stabbings, suicides, a couple big special effects sequences and the coup de grace middle chapter with the mother and son repeatedly trying to do away with Tomie once and for all, affording the audience plenty of visceral stuff to enjoy.  Having said that, I will admit that the pace is a little slow compared to what we're used to here in the States, and that some of the stuff involving the Takumi-Hitomi domestic drama does drag (alliteration alert).  Still, it's hard to find a movie in this series more downright creepy and violent than this one.
COOL FACTOR: *** 1/2 out of ****.

OVERALL:  I'm not quite sure that my current review format does the Tomie series justice.  It feels like the concept alone - a mysterious woman who causes love, murder and strife wherever she goes, and who cannot die no matter what anyone does to her - is something that needs the old format.  You know, the mammoth-sized recaps complete with about nineteen bullet-point pictures.  Then I remember that I'm not suicidal.  Hopefully, the quality of this film was able to be conveyed with the less-is-more approach, because Tomie: Re-birth is just a damn fun time.  Yeah, the boyfriend-girlfriend heroes are a little weak, but all things considered, they are only onscreen for a comparatively short amount of time.  Unlike Tomie: Replay, this flick grabs your attention, hits you with the DDT and scores the pinfall. 

OVERALL RATING: *** 1/2 out of ****.  Another touchdown for Shimizu, but that's to be expected.  Joe Bob says check this one out.