Kaidan (2007)

2007
Directed by Hideo Nakata
Starring Kuroemon Onoe, Kumiko Aso and Asaka Seto

We're smack dab in the middle of summer movie season...which means that this is the time of year that I usually get deeper and deeper into the Japanese section of the horror collection.  Don't ask me why.  It's not like it's a tradition that got PLANNED or anything - it just sort of happened.  Some people associate summer with outdoor activities, I associate it with long-haired demon ghosts.  Different strokes and all.
 
Kaidan is a flick directed by the undisputed king of Japanese ghost movies, Hideo Nakata.  From Ringu to Dark Water, he's done it all.  And folks, it simply doesn't get more ghost-y than this movie, a callback to a movie that I reviewed a few weeks ago called called Kwaidan, but these movies share a lot more than just the same name apart from a "W."  Obvious joke alert.  It takes a traditional Japanese folktale, but unlike that classic, Nakata extrapolates his story to the nth degree, making it last for 120 depressing minutes.  I LOVED this movie when I first saw it, but after a few years and many more Japanese horror films, it's lost some of its luster.  With that, let's get to it.

First things first, the movie has a pretty lengthy back story that I'm not going to summarize.  Consult Wikipedia if you're in desperate need of that information.  Suffice to say, there's all kinds of implications for the characters as kids crossing over into their lives as adults, and something about everything coming full circle or such nonsense, but you go to English majors for that kind of analysis.  I'm going to focus on the present (or rather the movie's present, since this film takes place in feudal Japan), where we meet Oshiga, teacher at a school for young girls in Edo.  She meets and eventually falls in love with a charismatic tobacco vendor named Shinkichi, and the two of them agree to live together as husband and wife.  I've said this before, but those last two sentences are like 40 minutes of this flick condensed.  Japanese horror films certainly do love their PACE.

This is a very acting-heavy movie, with Kumiko Aso and Kuroemon Ono taking the roles of Oshiga and Shinkichi, respecively.  There is precious little information out there on the interwebz about these two, but I've got to commend them for being able to take a situation that is't terribly appealing and be able to hold your attention for pretty long stretches of time.  They've also got distinct traits that are fleshed out much better than they are in, say, Jurassic World, with slight hints of Oshiga's obsession bubbling underneath the surface from the get-go while Shinkichi comes across as an affable guy (initially) who nonetheless always wants more than what he has.  This is represented when he begins to flirt with one of Oshiga's students, and this is the beginning of the end for the "happy" section of the movie.  Commence shit hits the fan section.

During a heated argument, Shinkichi accidentally slashes his wife's face with a samurai sword.  They reconcile, but she becomes ill from the wound and eventually dies, making Shinkichi promise to never re-marry or she will haunt him till his dying day.  Ignoring the warning, he immediately runs off with the student he was attracted to.  (Lick Ness Monster cliche time) I think you know where we're headed from here.  The movie manages to get some decent scares out of the premise, however, as vengeful Oshiga's sudden appearances happen at some very unexpected moments.  Nothing that will cause you to conjure up images after the movie is over, but solid stuff nonetheless.

The movie has a lot going for it in the atmosphere and acting departments, but unfortunately, this just isn't a very fun flick to watch.  Not in the way that you'll hate watching it or anything, but there are LONG stretches where you will be desperately trying to think of something else to do.  This was something that didn't leap out at me when I first watched it.  That was 2009, when J-horror as a genre was still something that amazed me on such a deep level after a youth spent devouring slasher flicks that I had yet to apply any sort of scrutiny to the genre as a whole.  Whoa, that last sentence made me vomit.  Kaidan is a different kind of horror movie from, say, Ju-On.  It's a long story of tragedy and loss with no real breaks of coolness to speak of.  In addition, the Shinkichi character is kind of a douche who brings all of the bad stuff to happen upon him, and by the time the final credits roll, what happens to him come across as just desserts.  But not especially in the satisfying way - more of an "it's about time" way. 

If you get the impression that this movie drags, you're right.  There's plenty to admire about this movie, but man, is it a chore. 

*** out of ****.  The flick is worth taking in, but you DEFINITELY have to be in the right mood to watch it.  Preferably in a VERY good mood to give yourself some buffer space.

The Woods, the Isolation, and the Pepsi Generation

Ok, kids, it's time for another countdown in the 2015 Friday the 13th retrospective countdown series.  Here in Southwestern Minnesota/Lick Ness Monster Land, summer time has officially arrived.  A 4 1/2 hour drive coupled with scorching 90 degree heat left me with plenty of time to daydream about stuff.  Coupled with the smooth musical stylings of Motley Crue, AC/DC and Prince, of course.  Most prominent among them was just what kind of movie we're going to get with the upcoming new Friday the 13th feature film.  Since it's being produced by the fine folks at Platinum Dunes, odds are overwhelmingly in favor of it being a paint-by-numbers not quite suckfest, but that's beside the point.

Instead, I'm very interested in what the LOCALE of said movie is going to be.  The 2009 remake had the right idea - the woodsy, woodsy woods, but the presentation was just a little off.  Instead of total isolation, we had barns, farmers, and the weird insinuation that Jason was some kind of pot cultivator.  Upon crafting the screenplay for the first film, Victor Miller explicitly stated that his goal in creating his own horror film to rip off Halloween and make loads of cash consisted of three parts.  (1) Introduce cast of good-looking kids, (2) put them in an environment where no adults can help them, and (3) kill them off one by one.  Those three edicts really did make the movie just as much as its gory violence and fantastic ending twist, as the summer camp/woods location would be endlessly duped by the crop of slasher films that would follow in the years - and sometimes even decades - to come.  None of this information is coming to a surprise to the vast majority of people reading this, and that's just fine, because this is an aspect of Friday the 13th that SHOULD be rammed down people's throats.

When I first discovered the Friday the 13th series, it was the location that initially grabbed me almost as much as the dude in the hockey mask.  And I'm betting that's the case for a lot of people out there.  I'm ALSO willing to bet that some of the less popular movies in the series owe at least part of their notoriety to their "different for the sake of being different" settings.  Read: Jason in Space. 

I occasionally want different, but I also want tried and true.  So say it with me, gang.  Crystal Lake/Jason in winter time. Make it happen, Michael F**kin, because Victor Miller knew what he was talking about.  It's such a simple formula, and it's also a huge reason why the F13 series would become arguably the most important horror franchise...there ever was. 

Enough masturbation.  It's countdown time.

THE FIVE BEST LOCALES IN FRIDAY THE 13TH
5.  Shepherd Family home
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
Now, it's well known to series aficianadoes that the primary slaughter ground of an F13 film is the deep woods.  And this countdown is going to stick with that trope, for the most part.  But it's the slight differences where the movies really hook you, and I remember being terrified as all hell of some of the events in this movie as a kid.  The Crystal Lake woods seem to have a much better roaming quality in this film that its counterparts, with victims in tents, houses and in the back seats of cars.  It truly did seem like this was Jason's homeland and that he was stalking a pretty expansive property.

4.  Pinehurst
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
It's well known by now that ANB isn't exactly my favorite movie in the series, but I've come to appreciate it more in recent years despite its many flaws.  One of the things that it has going for it in spades is atmosphere, and a big part of that is the semi-clever hook that it has for the usual "group of kids in the woods" trope.  Instead of camp counselors or vacationers, this time we've got a cast of crazies gathered at a wooded halfway house.  The idea is original (I think)...and if only we could have gotten reasons for some of these characters being there, we would have a had a home run on all fronts.

3.  Cruise ship
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
This is likely to be an unpopular choice, but hell, there's like a grand total of 10 people that read this blog anyway.  The fact that a movie called Jason Takes Manhattan takes place primarily on a cruise ship full of vacationing high schoolers likely ranks high on the list of reasons why people napalm the movie...but I actually dig it.  It was an interesting twist on the "trap a bunch of good-looking kids" idea, and it damn sure made it difficult for these kids to escape their predicament.  Jason has some classic stalk-and-slash moments in this big hunk of floating metal.

2.  Higgins Haven
Friday the 13th Part III
We're getting into the heavy hitters now, the classic remnants of the classic "Human Jason" cycle of films.  Spoiler alert for what is to come.  By the series' third entry, the formula had been well-established, and we knew to expect when it came to how an F13 movie would look.  But the family-owned lakeside home was actually a big departure at this point.  The movie still manages to pack in the memorable stuff, making excellent use of the property's barn, bridge and backwoods trails to perfection.  The climax taking place in the barn's loft is classic stuff up there with any of the movie's murders.

1.  The Counselor Training Center
Friday the 13th Part II
While the original movie made the template, the first sequel perfected it.  Folks, this is THE summer camp horror movie, with an actual campfire scary story being told, the counselors staying in different cabins, and the main cabin itself being the center of the action for all of the movie's money scenes.  It also makes excellent use of lighting, the surrounding woods, and eerie ground floor windows.  Everything about the way Steve Miner and his set designers dressed up Ginny's Final Girl chase sequence is just utter perfection, and it makes this easily the best pure horror movie in the franchise.

That should about do it for this round.  I don't know exactly how many more of these are to come this year.  Three, maybe?  Yeah, we'll go with three for now.  This series is like an onion - peel back the layers, and you're constantly left with something slightly more delicious, although slightly pungent.  With that horrible analogy...see you next week.

Betsy Palmer memories

In the wake of the passing of Betsy Palmer, I figured this would be a good week to take a break from reviews and take a trip down memory lane.

May 13, 1994.  That was the day I saw the original Friday the 13th for the first time on one of those long-ago marathons that used to get trotted out every time an actual unlucky Friday crossed the calendar.  Much like pretty any other first-time viewer, I tuned into that movie expecting some rampaging Jason action and was most shocked when all we saw for the vast majority of that movie was the killer's hands.  Lo and behold, when the kindly old woman showed up after all of the slaughter that the flick threw our direction, I believed her explanation.

Because she was convincing.  Damn convincing.  And as a still very impressionable 10- and soon to be 11-year-old, Betsy Palmer scared the crap out of me.  She could go from zero to crazy in approximately .73 seconds.  During those years, the Friday the 13th series was this big, interconnected epic series in my mind, and what I had just seen was the equivalent of Darth Vader's origin story.  When the closing credits were airing, I was already amped for the prospect of how the series would introduce Jason, pulling on this newfound mythology that I was just pulling back the layers of.

Of course, as a kid, I liked the movies with Jason more.  But I always looked forward to those sporadic viewings of the first film for something different, a movie that didn't have an ounce of supernatural chicanery.  Or even a killer with a mask.  I was fascinated by Palmer's portrayal of Pamela as a deep character despite the ridiculous script, and it's something that I would eventually get an explanation of years later.

Many years later when I rediscovered the franchise in college, my perspective on Palmer would change drastically.  On the sporadic occasions when I could find other people to watch the movies with me, her appearance at the conclusion of the film was always a crowd pleaser, with the various voices and the crazed facial expressions always popping a crowd (/Lance Storm).  Research would also show that she was a pretty damn colorful personality in real life and that she did NOT pull any punches when it came to what she thought of the movie that made her more famous than she ever was during her heyday.  Calling the script "a piece of s**t" and adding that she only accepted the role to buy a new car, Palmer certainly had some very strong opinions and wasn't afraid to share them.

That didn't stop me from buying the official Pamela Voorhees action figure a few years later with one specific purpose - to Ms. Palmer to sign it in person at a Minneapolis horror convention.  When I saw that she was one of the guests of honor, that virtually sealed the deal of me breaking out of my usual shell and making the three-hour drive for a weekend of fun and stage blood.  While that convention was loads of fun all around, Betsy Palmer would undoubtedly make it the highlight.

Firstly, the line to reach her was absolutely ENORMOUS.  The wait was something like 90 minutes, although I did get the chance to talk about my love of The Burning with an the people standing in front of me in line.  But it was what happened during the actual meeting that will forever be burned into my brain, as I was greeted by a lady wearing the exact same damn sweater that she wore during the Friday climax, a sweet, genuine woman whose love for the fans poured over into everything she said.  Even though I had to pay $20 for that autograph, I didn't feel rushed or cheated in the slightest.  In fact, I got to thank her for playing a big part in my childhood that became so big it would carry over into adulthood.  When she thanked me in return, it was sincere - just as sincere as that "kill her, mommy!  Kill her!" all those years ago.

It's been said by many actors that they spend an entire career hoping to be remembered for just one role.  Betsy Palmer, undoubtedly, achieved that.  It's one of my favorite phrases when it comes to answering criticisms of the Friday the 13th series, but it fits: How many sequels, again?

RIP, Ms. Palmer.  The horror genre is much, much bigger and better because of your brief dalliance with it.