Tales From the Darkside: Series Retrospective

1983-1988

Created by George A. Romero

There's nothing quite like anthology shows.  From the days of my youth doing my damndest to find my way over to a friend's house on Friday night for Tales From the Crypt to my college years absorbing Twilight Zone reruns on at midnight on SyFy to burning through Thriller on the DVR as a geeky adult, these things have been eponymous with my life.  Supposedly, they're bringing the latter series back, but I really don't have a whole lot of hope for that one.  A lot of these shows were that special brand of lightning in a bottle taking place in their own time period that just can't be replicated.  Case in point: Tales From the Darkside.

OK, guys, I'm giddy about this particular review.  For starters, I'd seen a few episodes before but didn't take in every show until I bought the complete series on DVD roughly a a year-and-a-half ago when all of the horror discs were marked down in the post-Halloween selloff.  I've watched a few episodes here and there ever since with the plan on writing a big overview, but other things kept getting my attention.  The moral of the story is that this is definitely the longest review-in-waiting that I've ever done.  No joke, that big multi-disc set that I picked up for twenty-five bucks at Wal-Mart has been perched on top of my dresser next to the DVD player for ALL THAT TIME.  I really don't know why it's taken me this long to watch every episode, because the show is really, really good.  In fact, I'll go even further and say that it's probably my favorite thing that I've ever seen associated with George A. Romero.

For the uninitiated, Romero is a really popular and influential guy in the horror community.  The creator of the modern-day zombie film with 1968's Night of the Living Dead and a whole heap of movies that followed in its wake, he's undoubtedly played a really huge role in the development of horror in the 20th and 21st centuries.  Sadly, he also passed away in the time that it took me to watch this series.  In the early '80s, this show was the result of the success of the Romero-directed anthology opus Creepshow.  The origial idea: Creepshow: The Series.  The title that the show would eventually take was perhaps even more of a nod to the EC horror comics that served as that film's inspiration, as what the creators and producers were shooting for was nothing short of a live-action horror comic book.  A pilot was produced that aired two days before Halloween in 1983, and it was successful enough to be picked up by CBS and distributed via syndication throughout its main run from 1984-1988.  So what made this show such a huge cult success?  Let's get to looking at the show's entire run, beginning with the pilot episode.

While I don't think that the episode is a particularly strong one, there's no doubt that I would have been TERRIFIED of that initial Halloween-themed pilot show.  The story is about this old miserly guy who holds an entire town hostage with his IOU system (hey, they're as good as cash).  The catch?  If any town child can explore his spooky house and find the IOU's, their debts are forgiven, but the crotchety fuck terrifies the poor kids with animatronic ghosts.  Man, what an asshole.  Of course, this Halloween there are all kinds of REAL ghosts out for the dude, and this was the format that the series would follow from this point forward.  Set up an intriguing and potentially scary situation, build it up and pay it off.  In short, A+ back-to-basics storytelling!

The first season introduced that ungodly theme music, with the camera gliding through the eerie woods complete with a soul-destroying voiceover: "Man lives in the sunlit world of what he believes to be reality. But...there is, unseen by most, an underworld, a place that is just as real, but not as brightly lit...a dark side."  BRRRRR.  There was some good stuff to be had as Tales From the Darkside found its footing.  My early favorites were "The Odds," with Danny Aiello as a bookie who never turns down a bet and Tom Noonan as the mysterious wagerer determined to break him; "Mookie and Pookie," with the gorgeous Justine Bateman in an early role who believes her deceased brother's spirit is now inhabiting her computer; and the Stephen King adaptation "Word Processor of the Gods" that takes the familiar "everything a creator creates becomes real" trope played out to perfection.  Jessica Harper, Harry Anderson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar show up in various episodes that are worth checking out, but everything here pales in comparison for what was to come.  Get ready.

While Season One featured a lot of talented people in front of the camera, Season Two brought us not only Romero but a bunch of his friends helping out behind it, and it shows.  The Halloween episode this season entitled "Halloween Candy" was directed by makeup maestro Tom Savini and is another instant classic about a rotten bastard who enjoys tormenting trick-or-treating children before running into a Satanic goblin.  Yes, this actually happens.  Romero himself wrote the episode "The Devil's Advocate," starring Jerry Stiller as a radio show host who wakes up in a strange, warped version of his studio before being tormented by calls from the past.  Stiller is just aces here (as always), but amazingly there's more.  "Lifebomb" is a story with one hell of a twist as a work-a-holic cuts a deal with an insurance company that virtually guarantees that his bad ticker won't kill him, but this guarantee comes with a hell of a cost.  Finally, Seth Green stars in "Monsters in My Room," a tale that any kid can relate to about the proverbial demons that lurk in your bedroom when the lights go out. 

At this point, I remember taking a long break from watching the series, but I remembered how strong that second season was.  When it was time to dive back in, I was ready, and what greeted me was "The Circus."  This was another Romero-scripted episode and was an excellent season starter as William Hickey plays a cynical reporter who doesn't believe the stories about the strange creatures on display at a traveling circus.  Three guesses how that turns out.  We also get an honest-to-goodness Christmas episode this time as two kids demand a Christmas tale from their parents - and in "Seasons of Belief," what they get is the "Grither."  One of the kids is played by Jenna Von Oy, a.k.a. Six from Blossom.  I think the focus of this season was more about creepiness than the normal slam-bang payoff, and the change of pace worked.  The proof of this is "Everybody Needs a Little Love," an adaptation of a Robert Bloch short story with Jerry Orbach as a lonely divorcee who becomes obsessed with a mannequin.  Said mannequin does not look like Elaine Benes.

Bloch would also be responsible for the story that opened the final season - "Beetles," where an archaeologist unearths an ancient sarcophagus and doesn't believe the dour warnings about what doing so could do to him.  Classic Mummy's Curse-style story, right there.  A few episodes later, Clive Barker joined the pantheon of horror luminaries on the show when he adapted his short story "The Yattering and Jack" for the series.  The episode is played for laughs and actually succeeds on a few occasions, and I'm not even going to spell out the story for this one.  Trust me, look it up.  Stephen King would return to write "Sorry, Right Number," where a woman gets a frantic phone call and struggles mightily to help the person making the call.  Imagine that Halle Berry movie, but good.  Fantastic writing contained in that previous sentence.  Also, remember how bad that Cameron Diaz movie The Box was?  See, I got the impression that the movie was essentially a horror anthology episode painfully stretched to 90 minutes...and that was proven here as Jodie Foster directs "Do Not Open This Box"!  Yet another big success as the show's run comes to a close.

Amazingly enough, though, we're not done, as two years later we were graced with Tales From the Darkside: The Movie.  I reviewed it previously here on the blog, and I won't do the entire blow-by-blow, but the short version is this: as a climax to the series, it's pretty much perfect.  And as Tom Savini put it, "THIS is the real Creepshow 3." 

That quote really sums up the entire experience of watching this series.  It seems like each successive generation of horror film-makers brings back the things that they loved from their childhood.  Right now, it's the things covered in this particular review.  1980s horror.  Back then, it was the horror comic books of the 1950s, and this show did that to absolute perfection.  Not every episode was a home run; to be fair, there are a fair amount of episodes that are fairly boring and not scary in the least bit.  But a ***+ half-hour of television at least every other week is more than acceptable ratio.  If you find this thing on the cheap like I did, it's definitely worth plunking down a couple of ten-dollar bills to have in your collection.  It's a really fantastic time capsule of that whole magical period in horror history and...wait for it...I actually prefer this to Tales From the Crypt now.  The difference?  Occasionally, Crypt would get cynical with its source material.  This was ALWAYS a celebration, and that's just such a rare, refreshing thing. 

Check this show out, kids, it's well worth 18 months of your life.

Puppet Master: Axis Termination (2017)

2017

Directed by Charles Band
Starring George Appleby, Tonya Kay, Paul Logan, Kevin Scott Allen, Tania Fox, Alynxia America and Daniele Romer

Full confession time: when I decided to cover the last few Puppet Master flicks, I was expecting the worst.  I mean, I've seen some of the latter Charles Band films to come down the pike, and they're not terribly impressive.  Imagine my surprise when I find out that they're actually a pretty fun little trilogy of movies.  Not great, definitely not spectacular, but fun, and Axis Termination is more of the same, if not just a step below the David Lean-esque quality that we've come to expect from this epic series.  Wait, what?

A decent amount of time would pass between Axis Rising and this one; five years, to be exact, or enough time for Charles Band to save up enough free Big Mac coupons to set aside the $1 million or so budget that these movies require.  Once again, they manage to push that budget to the absolute maximum, as we get a movie that actually looks semi-professional.  I don't know exactly how interesting the story is when it comes to making these movies, because they really are pretty cookie-cutter.  Got a few actors willing to work for scale and a fair special effects guy to animate the puppets?  You're good, bro.  Then again, there are days where I would love to be a fly on the wall for the making of an actual movie about killer puppets who happen to be good guys.  It can't be easy to make these movies watchable.  How watchable?  Let's get to examining the story.

If you can count on one thing with the Axis trilogy of Puppet Master movies, it's that old characters are about to die off.  Like, severely.  The last two movies were the story of Danny Coogan and his girlfriend Beth, perfectly nice World War II-era patriots who became the new masters...of puppets.  Well, they die here within the first two minutes of running time after a clever ruse that a fifth grader could come up with courtesy of those dagblasted, consarnit Nazis.  It really is kind of a buzzkill; they were likable characters, but it doesn't really matter much since I thin they're only mentioned two more times in the movie from this point forward.  What you need to know is that the magical elixir of Andre Toulon that re-animates inanimate objects is now in Nazi hands, and we need a new crop of characters to combat them.

And boy, what a bunch of characters this movie throws at us.  I'm somewhat grateful for this, because it's enough to fill up two whole paragraphs of this eight-stanza review!  First, let's look at the Good Guy side.  Your star is Dr. Ivan (George Appleby), a dwarf who is also a powerful psychic.  Let me tell you something about dwarves in movies (brother), no matter how bland and/or terrible the material around them is, they always play the role to the full hilt.  Just look at anything starring Phil Fondacaro or Warwick Davis for further proof.  Dr. Ivan also has a hot daughter (Tania Fox) and an ungodly beautiful assistant played by Daniele Romer who gives us this amazing sequence where she does some magic topless that would have set off the Skeevy Paragraph if I did that thing.  Oh, and they're rounded out by the movie's requisite military guy (Paul Logan), but he's barely worth mentioning.

The opposition.  Well, this movie definitely has plenty of them.  Tonya Kay is pretty much the star of the show in this go-round as Dr. Gerde Ernst.  Screen time?  Yeah, she has plenty of it, with her bad German accent rolling out at us the entire time.  The guy in charge of the Nazi operation this time is Krabke (Kevin Scott Allen), a dude who is the foil to Dr. Ivan in regards to psychic power.  They also still have the Nazi puppets (and it still makes me all kinds of happy to type those two words together) introduced in the last film to play around with.  Who else?  Well, if I remember correctly, there's also this freaky chick who uses sex as a weapon to go along with needles for fingers, or something.  I don't know, it's been a week since I watched it as I type this, and this sounds like the kind of detail I should remember, but I don't.  Nobody ever said I was good at this job.

And...that's pretty much it, folks.  These three movies all followed a pretty similar formula, and this one is no different.  The Good Guys have their faction in one location, the Nazis have their camp in another, and eventually they meet up for a big climactic battle.  Fortunately, the puppet fight this time around is pretty good, although I'm getting a little tired of seeing the Leech Woman "spit a leech down some unsuspecting sap's throat" kill.  Mostly because it's legit one of the only things I've seen in a movie that grosses me out. 

There really isn't a whole lot else to say about this movie, other than the fact that if you liked the last two flicks, you'll probably like this one as well.  It's got a couple of likable heroes in Dr. Ivan and his daughter and a bunch of truly detestable villains to root against - and this includes Bombshell, Weremacht and Blitzkrieg, a.k.a. the Nazi puppets.  Still happy, dammit.

Having said that, there are also some things that knock this one down a peg from the other Axis films.  Every movie in the Full Moon pantheon has sections that drag; it kind of goes with the territory when you're dealing with budgets this small.  The method this time is to have this weird power struggle between Ernst and Krabke.  This reaches a head in an extended sequence where the latter uses his mystical powers on the former, only for her to reverse it and talk down to him for something like 17 hours.  These parts of the movie in Nazi HQ are frequent, slow, and kinda boring, so don't say I didn't warn you.

Time to dispense that oh-so-holy rating.  ** 1/2 out of ****.  That makes this one not quite a "thumbs up," but if you've seen every PM movie up until this point, why the f**k not?  And with this series down, we now have two more months to go here on the blog.  Next month, I'm going to be looking at...a whole lot of different stuff!  Stay tuned.

Puppet Master: Axis Rising (2012)

2012

Directed by Charles Band
Starring Kip Canyon, Jean Louise O'Sullivan, Oto Brezina, Scott Anthony King, Stephanie Sanditz and Brad Potts

The plan for Axis of Evil, the movie reviewed last week right here on the ol' blog, was to start a new "mini-franchise" for Full Moon, and that's exactly what it did.  By and large, the movie was solid in both plotting and execution, and fans of the whole merry band of murderous (yet righteous) puppets seemed to applaud the move as well.  Thus, two years later, we were blessed with another budget that couldn't have possibly been more than a million bucks tops along with a production team that consisted of Charles Band and about six other people.  The result?  Another fair-to-good action flick with some fun horror-y moments.  In other words, pretty much exactly what you expect from this studio and this series.

The thing that works about this flick despite it being pretty stupid once again on a surface level is that it has a different tone from the last one.  Axis of Evil was a movie about its heroes; this one is pretty heavily focused on the villains.  Each Puppet Master movie kind of has that feeling if you go through the whole series, but I won't bore everyone with the bloody details of how this comes to be.  Partly because I don't feel like typing it out, and partly because I don't think anyone would care.  I suppose this introduction would get a good solid B- from the official movie review arbiters of the universe consisting of James Beradinelli and the ghost of Roger Ebert.  With that, let's get to the blow-by-blow.

You know, when I sat down to watch this flick, I really was expecting to see a movie with the same characters as the last one played by the same actors.  After all, it came out in 2012, a mere two years after Axis of Evil.  Well, imagine my surprise when I find out that Danny Coogan and his girlfriend Beth had both been recast.  Yes, sir, instead of the pieces of cardboard that we grew to know and love earlier, they are now played by Kip Canyon and Jean Louise O'Sullivan, and I've got to say that this was an improvement.  For those keeping score, Danny is our star character in these movies, a nice, unassuming guy with a bad leg who longs to serve his country and is unable to, while Beth is kind of his feisty sidekick.  Only this time the actors are able to pull it off with a modicum of success.  So +2 cool points to the movie in this regard.

Time to start yacking about the story in this film.  Ozu, the Japanese villain that we grew to know and hate, has captured Tunneler and is trying to broker a deal to hand him over to the Nazis in return for...cash, or something, I honestly can't remember.  Anyway, she is shot and killed.  I am one damn good film reviewer.  Said Nazi is named Moebius, he's played by Scott Anthony King, and he is AWESOME in his role.  The thing about this little mini-trilogy is that they really do feel like classic Universal monster movies in that they have "mad scientist" type villains who are WAY over the top played by actors who totally embrace the cheese.  But he's not all that this movie has up its sleeve.

See, Moebius has his own secret lair in Chinatown where he begins conducting experiments to replicate the life-giving properties that the puppets possess.  And it's here where we meet his assistant of sorts, Uschi, played by the certifiably gorgeous Stephanie Sanditz.  She has the world's thickest and fakest German accent to go along with the thickest and fakest boobs, and she is something else.  Their job is to oversee the experiments of Dr. Freuhofer (Oto Brezina), kindly old get who is trying to create his own puppets both out of a need to see his captured family again along with his lust for Uschi.  A truly Shakespearian plot, if I say so myself.

So what happens in this movie?  Well, the truth is that we get long stretches where not much does happen.  The short version?  Danny and Beth are now under the protection of the military and get babysat by the dog-faced Sergeant Stone (Brad Potts).  Slowly but surely, they catch on to what Moebius is planning, leaving it up to them and the puppets to stop.  The really cool thing?  Freuhofer eventually succeeds in creating new puppets, meaning that Blade, Leech Woman and the rest of them have some truly formidable opponents: NAZI PUPPETS.  Just typing those two words makes me happy.  I'm not going to spoil what their gimmicks are here, but suffice to say, they're amazing.

I'm well aware that the tone of this review has been very positive, but I think I need to point out once again that I LOVE movies like this.  In this day and age where every movie above a certain budget shoots for that ever-lofty goal of attaining a  quality score of 7 out of 10, a series of flicks about killer puppets that are also the good guys and totally embrace being the good trashy fun that it encompasses are A-OK in my book.  The effects on the puppets are again top notch.  Almost every actor in this film is pretty much cast perfectly, especially Sanditz.  Every time she's onscreen you can't look away, for both good reasons (her smokin' hot body) and bad ones (that accent, tho).

Much like I point out how I love this whole series, I also need to reiterate that they aren't for everybody.  There are some people who disagree with me about how much fun this franchise is.  Seriously, the gall of those people to disagree with ME!  Joking aside, they definitely serve a niche audience.  If you're not in the weird cult of movie fans who find weaponized puppets killing the fuck out of a bunch of Nazis entertaining...yeah, stay away from this one.

Final rating: *** out of ****, the same score that the previous movie enjoyed.  It's absolutely no better or worse, and it will give you more of what you want if you're a fan of the [i]Puppet Master[/i] films.  Check it out.

Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010)

2010

Directed by David DeCoteau
Starring Levi Fiehler, Jenna Gallaher, Taylor M. Graham, Tom Sandoval, Jerry Hoffman, Erica Shaffer and Ada Zhou Fang

Alright, now on to some fun stuff.  It had been a decent amount of time since whatever the hell they were attempting to do with Puppet Master: The Legacy and a couple years removed from...the movie where the puppets took on the wind-up chimp with cymbals.  Now, we're up to 2010, and it was time for Full Moon to give its old franchise a fresh coat of paint.  For really reals this time.  With a new script from Charles Band himself and long-time Full Moon director David DeCoteau coming back to the series, they had all the ingredients in place for a decent reboot.  I say "decent," because my bar is incredibly low these days.  And when it comes to that bar, they succeeded with this flick.

I'll be the first person to admit that I'm not quite as well-versed with the newer Full Moon offerings.  I know there's something like 17 Gingerdead Man and Evil Bong movies, but nope, never seen 'em.  Thus, I can't speak with too much education as to the tone of these new films compared to the movies that I grew up on.  When it comes to this movie, however, I really was kind of impressed with how well it seemed to fit in with, say, the fourth and fifth PM flicks.  This flick and the ones that come after might not be out-and-out HORROR movies, per se, but you can still count on a couple Tunneler and Leech Woman deaths in each movie.  And if you're into seeing some people who really deserve to get gored, you're in the right place.  Oh, and the budget was something like two Filet-o-Fish value meals.  I have to get that bit into at least three more reviews before I lock the doors.  With that, THE MOVIE!

After a LONG time away from the origin of the series, we're back to the world of World War II and Andre Toulon.  In the flesh, this time, only the flesh version played by William Hickey instead of Guy Rolfe.  For those out there who have absolutely NO idea what I'm talking about, the Puppet Master story goes like this: Andre Toulon is a renowned puppet maker who ran a popular sow in Nazi Germany just before the war broke out.  Only his puppets are special, as they actually have transplanted human souls placed inside them.  Along with cool weapons.  Anyway, the Nazis find out this secret and kill his wife before he eventually takes revenge and runs away to AMERICA (/Neil Diamond), eventually taking up refuge in the matte painting known as the Bodega Bay Inn.  But the Nazis follow him, Toulon kills himself before they can find his puppets, and that's where this movie begins.

We've seen all of this footage before, but this movie throws a new wrinkle into the formula.  That wrinkle is Danny Coogan (Levi Fiehler), employee of the Bodega Bay Inn with a bum leg and a good heart.  We know this because there is tender, tinkly music whenever he's onscreen.  Yeah, Fiehler ain't the best actor in the world, but the movie does a decent-enough job getting you on his side.  He still lives with his mom, and he just wants to be a soldier in the upcoming major conflict like his heroic older brother Don (Taylor M. Graham).  Did I mention that Danny also became a close confidante of Toulon before his suicide and knows all about his special puppets?  Well, he does.

For those of us who have watched EVERY movie in this series so far, we think about some strange things.  Well, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil tells us the story of what happened to the two black-suited Nazi guys who came to the Bodega Bay to shoot Toulon.  Turns out they're also in the States in order to blow up a big-time weapons factory and cripple the American war effort.  They are teaming up with a Japanese agent named Ozu (Ada Zhou Fang), and these three characters are amazingly dislikable.  Like, in the best way.  Danny finds himself wrapped up in the whole thing due to the miracle/plot convenience of his girlfriend Beth (Jenna Gallaher) working in the office of the super-important munitions plant.  One of the Nazis, Max (Tom Sandoval) infiltrates the place and befriends Danny before betraying him and killing his family.  And that's when he gets mad.

Ok, maybe he doesn't turn into the Incredible Hulk, but it sure does make the puppets with super-deadly powers that he's carrying around much more handy.  The final 15 minutes of the movie take place inside the munitions factory, with Beth taken hostage to draw Danny in.  Well, he does come in, and he releases the hounds.  And, amazingly enough, I cared, despite the movie consisting of long stretches where pretty much nothing happens.

That's the thing about Full Moon movies, and I was really refreshed that this hadn't changed in all the years since I'd seen my last one.  There's just something about these amazingly simple, basic plots with archetypal characters that everyone can instantly pinpoint as "good" or "bad" that really resonates with me.  I don't know.  I like them?  Well, clearly a lot of other people do as well, because Charles Band is still alive and kicking and running his own goddamn streaming service.  Plus I'm pretty sure that he still makes regular appearances at conventions and shit.  So +2 points to this guy for every year going back to, oh, about 1982 or so.

It also goes without saying, but the star of the show is the puppets themselves.  This movie definitely doesn't disappoint in that regard, as we get to watch everyone from Blade to Tunneler to Leech Woman to Pinhead have their one moment in the sun.  This was also an area of the movie where it was a benefit that it's been such a long gap between movies, because they look fantastic this time around, even though we can see the wires every once in a while.  Call that one of the downsides of high definition.  It kind of distracts from the whole thing that, well, Levi Fiehler and Jenna Gallaher aren't the most captivating actors in the world.  Don't say I didn't warn you about that one.

Rating time.  *** out of ****.  A solid start to a solid-enough trilogy of new movies, and if you're a veteran with the Puppet Master flicks, you'll find a lot to like here.  Give it a shot!

Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003)

2003
Directed by Charles Band
Starring Jacob Witkin and Kate Orsini

Let me tell you somethin' Mean Gene, when it comes to making cool horror memorabilia and other assorted knick-knacks, nobody does it better than the fine folks at Full Moon Direct.  Yeah, they don't make 17 movies per year like they used to and the ones that they DO make (I'm lookin' at you, Evil Bong) leave a lot to be desired.  But they know what to do with their old properties, creating cool packages for their big stalwarts, slapping on an autograph from Mr. Charles Band and a $250 price tag that I may or may not have paid for the following.

Without a doubt, that's the most awesome casing for a DVD/Blu-Ray set that I've ever seen.  And it's mine.  All mine, baby.  Since I also shelled out a cool $250 for that Empire box set, I just might be responsible for Charles Band's next six or seven haircuts.  Folks, they definitely didn't make this thing on the cheap.  It's encased in the kind of hard wood that was forged in the fires of Mordor, and, as you can see, it's made up to look like Andre Toulon's Trunk itself.  In short, 10 out of 10, would bang, if this set had female sexual genitalia, that is.  And since I've already reviewed the first seven Puppet Master films in other areas of the internet and looked at the series as a whole last year, we're now going to be looking at...the later entries.

As previously mentioned, by 2003 Full Moon was no longer quite the factory that it once was.  They had some big goals with Oblivion, man.  I'm sure I mentioned it in the franchise retrospective I wrote, but it bears repeating: Full Moon had their fair share of meal tickets, but Puppet Master was their ultimate punch card, baby.  By this point, there hadn't been any new movies in a while but they needed to keep the lights on.  Hence...this, thing.  There can be no greater test of my very limited writing skills than this particular write-up, because what we've got here is essentially a clip show with MAYBE ten minutes or framing story keeping the whole thing together.  Since there are three more movies to review after this one, it's safe to say that it worked, Mr. Band.  On with the limited show!

Alright, kids, allow me to present you the glue that keeps this cash grab together.  The star character is Eric Weiss (Jacob Witkin, a.k.a. Peter Hertz, the young boy saved by Andre Toulon in Puppet Master.  Of course, now he's a crusty old guy who lives in the Bodega Bay Inn, which is some truly savant foreshadowing for what is to come.  Within literally 60 seconds, the gate is stormed by Maclain (Kate Orsini), mercenary rogue agent from the underworld who is after Weiss to learn the MYSTERIES OF TOULON'S CREATIONS.  Capitalized because importance is very implied.  She learns these mysteries through the magic of flashbacks.

What follows is Maclain "interrogating" Weiss, with each question being accompanied by the appropriate series of clips.  Full disclosure: I'd seen every movie in the series up until this point on multiple occasions, so this section of the movie is mind-numbingly boring.  BUT...if you've absolutely never seen any of these flicks, this film actually does a decent-enough job getting you up to speed.  Since I AM a nerd, however, I will admit to being surprised that Band had the balls to not shy away from the stuff that happened in Puppet Master II because that one is kind of a nightmare as far as series continuity.  In the other films, Toulon is presented as an angelic toymaker who probably serves Reese's Pieces to neighborhood kids.  In Part II, he's a fuckin' killer enacting the Beauty and the Beast storyline with a red-hot lady in peril.  There's also the revelation that Rick, the kid who became the NEW Puppet Master in Parts IV and V, was shot and killed by Maclain as she attempted to track down Weiss.  Ouch.

And...that's pretty much it, people.  We get the long recap, followed by one of the most baffling endings in cinematic history.  It's meant to set up a different direction for the series from that point on that never really materialized, because Full Moon felt it was more fascinating to sell the rights to SyFy to be used for the epic that was Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys.  True story, bro.

I'm aware that this is kind of a weird review.  But this is a weird movie.  It was an attempt by Charles Band to reboot the series without actually admitting to it, and they felt that the best way to do this was everything that you've already read about.  Yeah, the movie was fishing for dollars.  So it's not very good or interesting.  You've only got another couple of months of fine film criticism like this!

* out of ****.  Give this one a watch if you're COMPLETELY new to the Puppet Master series.  Otherwise, skip it.