Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003)

2003
Directed by Charles Band
Starring Jacob Witkin and Kate Orsini

Let me tell you somethin' Mean Gene, when it comes to making cool horror memorabilia and other assorted knick-knacks, nobody does it better than the fine folks at Full Moon Direct.  Yeah, they don't make 17 movies per year like they used to and the ones that they DO make (I'm lookin' at you, Evil Bong) leave a lot to be desired.  But they know what to do with their old properties, creating cool packages for their big stalwarts, slapping on an autograph from Mr. Charles Band and a $250 price tag that I may or may not have paid for the following.

Without a doubt, that's the most awesome casing for a DVD/Blu-Ray set that I've ever seen.  And it's mine.  All mine, baby.  Since I also shelled out a cool $250 for that Empire box set, I just might be responsible for Charles Band's next six or seven haircuts.  Folks, they definitely didn't make this thing on the cheap.  It's encased in the kind of hard wood that was forged in the fires of Mordor, and, as you can see, it's made up to look like Andre Toulon's Trunk itself.  In short, 10 out of 10, would bang, if this set had female sexual genitalia, that is.  And since I've already reviewed the first seven Puppet Master films in other areas of the internet and looked at the series as a whole last year, we're now going to be looking at...the later entries.

As previously mentioned, by 2003 Full Moon was no longer quite the factory that it once was.  They had some big goals with Oblivion, man.  I'm sure I mentioned it in the franchise retrospective I wrote, but it bears repeating: Full Moon had their fair share of meal tickets, but Puppet Master was their ultimate punch card, baby.  By this point, there hadn't been any new movies in a while but they needed to keep the lights on.  Hence...this, thing.  There can be no greater test of my very limited writing skills than this particular write-up, because what we've got here is essentially a clip show with MAYBE ten minutes or framing story keeping the whole thing together.  Since there are three more movies to review after this one, it's safe to say that it worked, Mr. Band.  On with the limited show!

Alright, kids, allow me to present you the glue that keeps this cash grab together.  The star character is Eric Weiss (Jacob Witkin, a.k.a. Peter Hertz, the young boy saved by Andre Toulon in Puppet Master.  Of course, now he's a crusty old guy who lives in the Bodega Bay Inn, which is some truly savant foreshadowing for what is to come.  Within literally 60 seconds, the gate is stormed by Maclain (Kate Orsini), mercenary rogue agent from the underworld who is after Weiss to learn the MYSTERIES OF TOULON'S CREATIONS.  Capitalized because importance is very implied.  She learns these mysteries through the magic of flashbacks.

What follows is Maclain "interrogating" Weiss, with each question being accompanied by the appropriate series of clips.  Full disclosure: I'd seen every movie in the series up until this point on multiple occasions, so this section of the movie is mind-numbingly boring.  BUT...if you've absolutely never seen any of these flicks, this film actually does a decent-enough job getting you up to speed.  Since I AM a nerd, however, I will admit to being surprised that Band had the balls to not shy away from the stuff that happened in Puppet Master II because that one is kind of a nightmare as far as series continuity.  In the other films, Toulon is presented as an angelic toymaker who probably serves Reese's Pieces to neighborhood kids.  In Part II, he's a fuckin' killer enacting the Beauty and the Beast storyline with a red-hot lady in peril.  There's also the revelation that Rick, the kid who became the NEW Puppet Master in Parts IV and V, was shot and killed by Maclain as she attempted to track down Weiss.  Ouch.

And...that's pretty much it, people.  We get the long recap, followed by one of the most baffling endings in cinematic history.  It's meant to set up a different direction for the series from that point on that never really materialized, because Full Moon felt it was more fascinating to sell the rights to SyFy to be used for the epic that was Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys.  True story, bro.

I'm aware that this is kind of a weird review.  But this is a weird movie.  It was an attempt by Charles Band to reboot the series without actually admitting to it, and they felt that the best way to do this was everything that you've already read about.  Yeah, the movie was fishing for dollars.  So it's not very good or interesting.  You've only got another couple of months of fine film criticism like this!

* out of ****.  Give this one a watch if you're COMPLETELY new to the Puppet Master series.  Otherwise, skip it.