Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

1977
Directed by John Boorman
Staring Linda Blair, Richard Burton, Louise Fletcher, Kitty Winn, Paul Henreid, James Earl Jones and Ned Beatty

And to think some people out there have been complaining that I've been doing too many positive reviews.  Hopefully this one will tide you over, because Exorcist II is one of the biggest heaping helpings of shit that you'll ever see.  Or, barring your inability to be as much of a man as me, read about.

Before we get going on this legendary flick of craptacular proportions, a disclaimer: I'm not a fan of the first film.  I know, I know.  Throw me in that safe room with Peter Griffin.  Now, I certainly don't HATE the movie, but at the same time I've never seen why everybody else seems to love the damn thing so much.  It certainly has its moments, but I dunno...it fell flat for me, probably in no small part due to the fact that I didn't see it until I was in my early '20s.  Call it the handicap of being a curmudgeonly adult.  Still, for as much as I'm not a fan of the original 1974 classic, this movie makes it look like the roof of the Sistine Chapel by comparison (/horrible metaphor). 

How could it possibly go so wrong?  They had the original star returning, a decent concept, another freaky score by Ennio Morricone, and a big budget.  The general consensus?  John Boorman, the guy in the director's chair.  This dude...yeah, he certainly liked his stuff to be as trippy as possible, and he used the story that he was given here to make something that is effectively a zillion times more bizarre than you'd ever expect.  It certainly made sense to give Boorman the shot at filling William Friedkin's shoes for this sequel; this was the dude that did Deliverance, after all.  But he also gave us this:

Yeah. 

I will give the movie this - it has one of the creepiest opening sequences that you'll ever see.  Father Philip Lamont (Richard Burton, doing his best Gregory Peck impersonation and sticking to it, dammit) is attempting to exorcise a woman who claims she can heal the sick.  The whole thing goes horribly wrong, winding up with the woman catching fire and burning alive.  It might not sound like much, but it's just the WAY it is shot, with the music by Morricone and the deep oranges and blacks setting the scene that really get to you.  Call it glandular.  And folks, that's how we get the "Priest doing his best to exorcise his OWN demons" part of the story that we also got much more effectively in the first film, and it also means that it's time to switch focus to...our returning star.

Folks, basing the second movie in the Exorcist series around the character of Regan MacNeil made perfect sense of paper.  But the way that the character's arc was laid out in this script...yikes.  Linda Blair was definitely up for what she was required to do, but unfortunately, what she's required to do in this film involves a lot of sitting perfectly still with a mind-reading device attached to her head.  And I'm not making that up.  See, Regan is now in the care of Sharon Spencer (Kitty Winn) and receiving psychiatric guidance from a doctor played by Louise Fletcher.  And Fletcher's character here can pretty much already call that Nobel Peace Prize, because she has invented a MIND READING DEVICE that both herself and Father Lamont periodically use to invade her cerebral space because...reasons.  These are all long, terminally boring and unscary sequences that take up something like 20 minutes of the movie.  Trust me, they drag.

It's here where the movie really starts to fly off the rails, as these dalliances into Regan's psyche lead us to deepest, darkest Africa, where the demon Pazuzu is now targeting a young boy who was once also a healer of the sick.  As an adult, he's played by James Earl Jones, so you know we've got some must-see TV here.  I say must-see TV because this movie is on AMC Fearfest EVERY year.  You know, take my word for it, this movie IS worth a watch at least once in your life, because it's simply INSANE.  The whole idea contained from this point on involves Lamont attempting to track down this African healer, with Pazuzu's mission of stamping out the world's goodness by eliminating its healers being the primary plot device.

Coupled in between those aforementioned lengthy bits as the heroes attempt to gain clues by reading Regan's mind.  They're slow.  They're long.  And they're repetitive, which I'm attempting to convey by continuing to harp on it.

While I wasn't terrified of the first film by any means, I'll admit that some of the stuff in it unnerved me quite a bit.  This movie has exactly two unnerving sequences - the opening and a later scene where Regan, seemingly possessed, wanders out on the ledge of a skyscraper in what was apparently a VERY dangerously filmed sequence with Linda Blair pretty much dangling close to certain death with nothing separating her from 100 feet of certain doom.  That's the thing with Boorman - when it comes to imagery, he's AMAZING, and there's stuff in this film that is actually quite memorable for that reason.  Story-wise, his stuff tends to be a mess, and it ain't just this movie.  The proof?  Sean Connery in man-panties.  'Nuff said.

It starts with the script, which was all extremely ill-advised from the get-go.  The whole "dual continents" thing is an interesting idea on paper that isn't executed very well, sometimes with plot developments where we're left to guess what's happening (like that weird scene where Lamont finds James Earl Jones in full tribal costume and is then immediately getting shown around his office by the same actor wearing a business suit).  It's also never really clear what is still happening with Regan - is Pazuzu still in her?  Still trying to possess her?  Who knows, the script sure doesn't.

And the locusts...this movie might have more locust photography per minute than any other film in cinematic history.  And this includes The Reaping.

No further evidence is needed here.  I give this flick * out of ****.  If you get the impression that this is a bad movie, I've done my job.  Still...it's a movie that you can't quite understand HOW bad and misguided it is until you've actually seen it.  So next October, when AMC inevitably trots this out again, give it a go because this is pretty much a textbook example of how NOT to do it.

Ju-Rei: The Uncanny (2004)

2004
Directed by Koji Shiraishi
Starring Chinatsu Wakatsuki, Miku Ueno, Eriko Ichinohe and Ichiro Ogura

Oh, that wacky Japanese horror.  And I say that wit plenty of affection.  While some critics like to lambaste this particular subgenre for its supposed one-note storytelling (the nerve - disagreeing with me!), I don't think there's any country on Earth that does the horror with more variety than Japan.  You've got crazy zombie flicks, serial killer flicks, splatter flicks...and, of course, ghost movies, and definitely the BEST "angry ghost" flicks that I've ever seen in my life.

And then there's Ju-Rei: The Uncanny.

Several years ago when I first started to get serious about collecting horror movies, I tracked down my fair share of the "big" J-horror flicks.  Somewhere in there, this movie kept popping up on my Amazon searches, and the poster was most definitely alluring.  Angry little girl crawling right at 'ya?  I was all over that shit back in 2008.  To make a long story short, I thought the movie kind of sucked.  After re-watching it, I still feel that way.  However, this movie IS interesting for one very important reason.  That reason being Sadako vs. Kayako, pretty much my ultimate wet dream movie, actually due out in a few months and directed by a guy named Koji Shiraishi.  His debut film?  This movie.  Yeah.  That was some amazing writing skill how we came full circle there, wasn't it? 

Shiraishi has dome some amazing films since Ju-Rei.  Carved is a modern classic retelling of the "slit-mouthed woman" myth, while Grotesque and Occult are simply batshit crazy in the best way.  Here, though, you could definitely tell that this was a director who, while he definitely showed some promise, was still in the formative stages of putting together what would define his later stuff.  And since this movie pretty much cribs Ju-On with absolutely no shame whatsoever, from structure to camera work, I think it's safe to say that they found the perfect guy to do their Grudge-Ring crossover film.

When I say that this movie rips off Ju-On, I mean it.  Pretty much word for word, it IS another Grudge film.  American watchers might be unaware that Takashi Shimizu's original movies in the franchise followed a Quentin Tarantino-esque "chapter" format, with Kayako and Toshio offing fools left and right in some sort of ghostly time warp.  Let'd do the time warp again, people.  This one one-ups that concept by telling its story BACKWARDS, starting at Chapter 10 and working backwards toward the origin of the ghosts.  I will say that from a structure perspective, this is actually a little frustrating.  Since we already know the ending of the story before we get into the thick of the story, it's hard to get too invested into anything that happens. 

Also, the first thing we see in the movie is a bunch of teenagers on the street hip hop dancing.  Definitely not the thing you'd expect in a movie like this.

The story of this movie is criminally simple.  Badass ghosts killing people, usually once per chapter.  But there's something about this movie that's just a little...uncomfortable.  A few more words about how badly this movie wanted to be Ju-On: the ghost in this movie makes the LITERAL same "croaking" sound as Kayako, despite the fact that there was absolutely no reason for it.  See, Kayako croaks because she died as a result of having her throat sliced (or neck broken, if you're into the American versions).  We didn't need the sound effect here, other than, "well, people really loved Kayako, so let's have our ghost do the same thing."  And I'm positive that was exactly how the conversation went when the whole idea came to be.  In English, and everything.

I will say that it's not all bad in this movie.  It has a few moments, although they're VERY few and far between.  Just like Shimizu was doing around this time, Koji Shiraishi makes really good use of the periphery in his shots, showing things that you might actually miss the first time you see the movie (and I did).  There are two deaths that actually did unnerve me a little, one involving a girl who hides herself under a blanket as the ghost attacks her (another bit that was ripped off from Ju-On), but the movie's REAL money scene occurs when an old, blind woman encounters the ghost.  This scene was actually gut-wrenchingly tense, and fairly creative.  Amazing what happens when you put a little bit of thought into what you do.

Alright, summary time.  I know that I've mentioned Ju-On a LOT in this review.  Probably too much, for anyone who hasn't seen those films (and if you haven't...tsk tsk), but it's a conversation that really can't be avoided because this movie DESPERATELY wanted to be just like it to the point of copying it beat by beat.  Those movies also succeeded big time in two key areas: putting together the story's "puzzle," as it is, was SUCH a fun exercise the first time I watched those movies.  They also had genuinely likable characters that you actually DIDN'T want to see die gruesome deaths.  Neither is true here.  While the story does wrap up nicely by the time we get to the original deaths that create the curse, I wasn't really interested in it.  And note that I didn't mention a single character name or actor in this review.  Folks...there's a reason.

Because it has a few sparks of creativity here and there, I'll give the movie * 1/2 out of ****.  As a warm-up phase to what would become the career of Koji Shiraishi in the coming years (all culminating in what will no doubt be a kickass Ring/Grudge crossover), though, it's actually worth checking out for the history lesson.  And you can MST3K it with your friends.

Final Destination 3 (2006)

Directed by James Wong
Starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Ryan Merriman

Time to finish off this series.  Yes, folks, I've reviewed every Final Destination film here on the blog with the exception of this one, checking off Parts 4 and 5 when they were released in theaters and dusting out the first two flicks in increments within the past couple years.  Folks, it's a little difficult writing reviews of all these films and coming up with different things to say.  Again...if you've seen one of these movies, you've seen them all.  That goes for pretty much every slasher flick ever released (with a few notable exceptions), but it holds doubly true for the FD franchise.  See the above scatter-brained paragraph?  That's my long-winded excuse for making this review brief.

The setup is as basic as it gets, for this series.  The Final Destination formula was already very well-formed by this point.  Hell, both movies that followed it would use the same framing device.  This time around, it's high school student Wendy Christensen who gets the "star premonition" treatment, this one depicting a horrific accident on an amusement park roller coaster.  And...it's pretty damn cool, just like everything that James Wong has concocted since the first movie (and this time he's back in the director chair, after taking Part 2 off to do whatever former X-Files writers do in their spare time).  It's NOT as wicked awesome as that highway demolition derby from 2, but it's still pretty cool.

You know where it goes from here.  Death needs to be avenged, Tony Todd guest appearance, "we need to fool death" conversations, yada yada yada.  When it comes to these movies, it's all about the execution. 

Fortunately, I happen to think this movie has a bit better execution than the second movie.  That one made the mistake of bringing a past character back and making the character an integral part of the proceedings again.  No one gives a shit about the human element in movies like this, but it DOES help when you have Mary Elizabeth Winstead in your movie.  Along with Katie Cassidy, Miss Winstead is one of the closest things we have to a modern-day scream queen.  She's done plenty of horror movies, and puts off this great "girl next door" vibe that hearkens back to Jamie Lee Curtis quite well.  It's no different here.  An impressive feat, since the script doesn't give her much to work with.

And that's all I'm going to say about the characters in Final Destination 3.

If you're watching these movies, you know what the money scenes are.  We get another decent batch of death served up here, with my favorites being the back of a dude's head getting sliced off in a restaurant drive-thru, the nail gun death (so awesome), and that bit in the tanning salon, truly one of the more cringe-worthy things you'll ever see.  I also get the impression that the ending was actually meant to make this the final movie in the franchise, but alas, the temptation to have death FLYIN' AT YA IN 3D was too much to resist a couple years down the line. 

Anyway, this is a pretty middling flick.  It delivers everything you expect to see in these movies and absolutely nothing more, although it does have Mary Elizabeth doing her thing.  I'm also going to credit her for the impressive box office take that this movie enjoyed, as this movie pulled in more than $100 million in pure profit from its slight budget.  Kids, there's your reason why we got a couple more movies out of this admittedly slim formula. 

Rating time for this movie.  ** 1/2 out of ****.  It's not going to do anything to blow you away, but Mary Elizabeth Winstead is worth an extra 1/2 * on her own.

Now for a few more words about the whole Final Destination series in general.  Much credit to James Wong for coming up with this concept, because it definitely made a fantastic movie for the first go-round.  I will say, though, that these movies get repetitive mighty quick, starting with the first sequel.  When this movie came out, I didn't even bother seeing it in theaters for that very reason.  However, three years later, I drove 80 miles to see the fourth movie in 3D because it came out the same day as Rob Zombie's Halloween II and I wanted that movie to get crushed harder than Dean Ambrose at WrestleMania at the weekend box office.  It did, but that flick was pretty damn tepid.  But the fifth movie?  Friggin' awesome, with amazing kills and a finale that generated an audible "oh shit" from yours truly.  If I could retroactively grade the movies, I'd probably dock Part 4 down to ** but keep everything else the same. 

Now let's just pray we don't get any reboots.

Devil Doll (1964)

1964
Directed by Lindsay Shonteff
Starring Bryant Haliday, William Sylvester and Yvonne Romain

I'm sure it's been mentioned on the blog before, but I'm a huge Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan.  My first experience with it was the feature film, and I waited - with rabid anticipation - for the next three years for the fine folks in the Worthington, Minnesota cable TV offices to grant us access to the channel that carried it.  Well, we got it, and this was followed by yours truly waking up at 7:30 on Saturday morning all through high school to tape as many episodes as I could.  And it was worth it, goddammit.  At any rate, while most of the movies featured on this show were big steaming piles of dog shit, every once in a while we would get a flick that would actually be interesting without Mike and the 'Bots providing the soundtrack.  Devil Doll is one of these movies.

Released in 1964, this British creeper is by no means perfect.  The frequent monologues by the main villain, the presence of a lady whose butt cheeks are perpetually are on display (don't ask), and protracted bits of nothing happening indeed made for one of the best latter-season MST3K episodes.  Still, there's a lot to enjoy about Devil Doll, not the least of which being that this is truly one of the best uses of atmosphere I've seen in any horror flick.  Had this come out just a few years later, with a color palette and maybe somebody like Mario Bava calling the shots, this one would have truly gone down in the annals of unsung movies, which is something that I totally did not make up just now to make myself sound smart. 

The movie tells the story of a popular ventriloquist self-dubbed "The Great Vorelli," boasting one of the slickest fake beards you'll ever see and a voice that can melt steel not unlike Robert Stack.  He's played by Bryant Haliday, and, without exaggeration, it's a tour-de-force performance.  Every syllable this guy utters is believable, no matter how ridiculous some of the material.  Rooney Mara, take note.  He performs in front of packed houses with his doll, an amazing little contraption dubbed "Hugo" that Vorelli shares an almost uncomfortable level of tension with.  Not sexual, I promise, although the jokes are there for the picking.  Unfortunately, there are some other people who want a piece of Vorelli's rise, and this is where we meet our other characters.

I say "unfortunately" because one of these characters is played by William Sylvester.  Now, he's been in plenty of respectable stuff, including an acclaimed role in 2001: A Space Odyssey as well as being the guy who really, really wanted to catch Robert Denby.  For whatever reason, seeing him in anything is like Quint's fingernails on the chalkboard with me, and it's no different here.  Here, he plays newspaper reporter Mark English, and he's out to prove that Hugo is some kind of fraud.  He's also a wiseass without having any right to be, and he's engaged to the impossibly hot Marianne Horn (Yvonne Romain, who is simply fantastic to look at - check her out in the Hammer horror classic Curse of the Werewolf for further proof).  After witnessing a performance by Vorelli that includes Hugo walking across the stage, it's all hands on deck.

Make no mistake, as good as Haliday is, Hugo is the true star of this movie.  Yes, this was 1964, and we weren't getting any state-of-the-art puppet effects.  The movie becomes much more effective for that very reason; whoever designed the look of this thing deserves more kudos than Mr. Burns could possibly ask for, because Hugo's creepy stare ranks right up there with Angela Baker in the horror hall of fame.  Much like Chucky in the original Child's Play, we know something is up.  Something is lurking underneath.  But what?  The movie does a good job with its pacing, never revealing too much information as a somewhat hackneyed and always cliched romance plot starts, with Vorelli wooing Marianne away from English with his combination of charisma and slick moves.  At least, as slick as swarthy bearded American guys in early '60s British horror films can be. 

We're also clued in here that Vorelli is some kind of master hypnotist, and has Marianne entranced to do his bidding.  He utilizes this skill to mainly make her not talk.  And that's just fine by me, because Miss Romain's delivery is mostly just about as wooden as...well, Hugo.  Since we know that Hugo is alive in some way and that Vorelli is a hypnotist, we have a fairly good idea where it's going.  But the flashback sequence that gives us all the answers is the best thing about Devil Doll, especially when we get to witness the younger Vorelli's final performance with his former partners.  I'll leave that up to you to see.

By now, I'm sure all of you (all...eight) know whether or not you'll check this movie out.  If nothing else, it really is worth a watch on MST3K, easily available with a YouTube search.  But without it, this is a movie that demonstrates with pitch-perfect clarity one of my biggest gripes of modern cinema.  Over the past fifteen years or so, we've gotten remakes.  Of everything.  Anything that's been good or successful has gotten the bastardization treatment.  Sometimes, they turn out good.  More often, they turn out incredibly bland and banal.  I think the reason for this is simple.  They pick the most beloved projects to give the fresh coat of paint, and doing that to movies that don't NEED it just make the whole undertaking feel unnecessary.  On the other hand, there are movies like Devil Doll - movies with a GREAT concept that might have just been lacking in execution in one or two key areas.  With a deft hand and some modern polish, they could be awesome.  Picture Kiefer Sutherland as Vorelli, Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Marianne and anyone other than William Sylvester as English and you've got the recipe for success, one that I would buy a movie ticket for fifteen times before I'd check out that awful-looking Ghostbusters remake. 

Oh, and one last thing.  The ending sequence here is both unintentionally hilarious and creepy as fuck.  Again, I'll leave it up to you to see.

Rating time.  Let's give this one *** out of ****.  It's flawed, it's occasionally laugh-out-loud funny, but it's no doubt an effective little chiller that just needed a BIT more TLC to be a classic.  And try to get this face out of your head afterward.

Enjoy the nightmares.