Ok, kids, it's time for another countdown in the 2015 Friday the 13th retrospective countdown series. Here in Southwestern Minnesota/Lick Ness Monster Land, summer time has officially arrived. A 4 1/2 hour drive coupled with scorching 90 degree heat left me with plenty of time to daydream about stuff. Coupled with the smooth musical stylings of Motley Crue, AC/DC and Prince, of course. Most prominent among them was just what kind of movie we're going to get with the upcoming new Friday the 13th feature film. Since it's being produced by the fine folks at Platinum Dunes, odds are overwhelmingly in favor of it being a paint-by-numbers not quite suckfest, but that's beside the point.
Instead, I'm very interested in what the LOCALE of said movie is going to be. The 2009 remake had the right idea - the woodsy, woodsy woods, but the presentation was just a little off. Instead of total isolation, we had barns, farmers, and the weird insinuation that Jason was some kind of pot cultivator. Upon crafting the screenplay for the first film, Victor Miller explicitly stated that his goal in creating his own horror film to rip off Halloween and make loads of cash consisted of three parts. (1) Introduce cast of good-looking kids, (2) put them in an environment where no adults can help them, and (3) kill them off one by one. Those three edicts really did make the movie just as much as its gory violence and fantastic ending twist, as the summer camp/woods location would be endlessly duped by the crop of slasher films that would follow in the years - and sometimes even decades - to come. None of this information is coming to a surprise to the vast majority of people reading this, and that's just fine, because this is an aspect of Friday the 13th that SHOULD be rammed down people's throats.
When I first discovered the Friday the 13th series, it was the location that initially grabbed me almost as much as the dude in the hockey mask. And I'm betting that's the case for a lot of people out there. I'm ALSO willing to bet that some of the less popular movies in the series owe at least part of their notoriety to their "different for the sake of being different" settings. Read: Jason in Space.
I occasionally want different, but I also want tried and true. So say it with me, gang. Crystal Lake/Jason in winter time. Make it happen, Michael F**kin, because Victor Miller knew what he was talking about. It's such a simple formula, and it's also a huge reason why the F13 series would become arguably the most important horror franchise...there ever was.
Enough masturbation. It's countdown time.
THE FIVE BEST LOCALES IN FRIDAY THE 13TH
5. Shepherd Family home
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
Now, it's well known to series aficianadoes that the primary slaughter ground of an F13 film is the deep woods. And this countdown is going to stick with that trope, for the most part. But it's the slight differences where the movies really hook you, and I remember being terrified as all hell of some of the events in this movie as a kid. The Crystal Lake woods seem to have a much better roaming quality in this film that its counterparts, with victims in tents, houses and in the back seats of cars. It truly did seem like this was Jason's homeland and that he was stalking a pretty expansive property.
4. Pinehurst
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
It's well known by now that ANB isn't exactly my favorite movie in the series, but I've come to appreciate it more in recent years despite its many flaws. One of the things that it has going for it in spades is atmosphere, and a big part of that is the semi-clever hook that it has for the usual "group of kids in the woods" trope. Instead of camp counselors or vacationers, this time we've got a cast of crazies gathered at a wooded halfway house. The idea is original (I think)...and if only we could have gotten reasons for some of these characters being there, we would have a had a home run on all fronts.
3. Cruise ship
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
This is likely to be an unpopular choice, but hell, there's like a grand total of 10 people that read this blog anyway. The fact that a movie called Jason Takes Manhattan takes place primarily on a cruise ship full of vacationing high schoolers likely ranks high on the list of reasons why people napalm the movie...but I actually dig it. It was an interesting twist on the "trap a bunch of good-looking kids" idea, and it damn sure made it difficult for these kids to escape their predicament. Jason has some classic stalk-and-slash moments in this big hunk of floating metal.
2. Higgins Haven
Friday the 13th Part III
We're getting into the heavy hitters now, the classic remnants of the classic "Human Jason" cycle of films. Spoiler alert for what is to come. By the series' third entry, the formula had been well-established, and we knew to expect when it came to how an F13 movie would look. But the family-owned lakeside home was actually a big departure at this point. The movie still manages to pack in the memorable stuff, making excellent use of the property's barn, bridge and backwoods trails to perfection. The climax taking place in the barn's loft is classic stuff up there with any of the movie's murders.
1. The Counselor Training Center
Friday the 13th Part II
While the original movie made the template, the first sequel perfected it. Folks, this is THE summer camp horror movie, with an actual campfire scary story being told, the counselors staying in different cabins, and the main cabin itself being the center of the action for all of the movie's money scenes. It also makes excellent use of lighting, the surrounding woods, and eerie ground floor windows. Everything about the way Steve Miner and his set designers dressed up Ginny's Final Girl chase sequence is just utter perfection, and it makes this easily the best pure horror movie in the franchise.
That should about do it for this round. I don't know exactly how many more of these are to come this year. Three, maybe? Yeah, we'll go with three for now. This series is like an onion - peel back the layers, and you're constantly left with something slightly more delicious, although slightly pungent. With that horrible analogy...see you next week.
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