F13 Megareview: "Freddy vs. Jason" (2003, Ronny Yu)

We're there already? And it only took ten movies (17 if you count the previous "Nightmare on Elm Street" franchise entries), approximately fifty scripts, and about 15 years of development hell? It was that simple?

You know, the long, bloody story of how this movie came to be could really fill a book in and of itself. You know, there's a book that all horror fans MUST own called "Crystal Lake Memories" that gives us, in excruciating detail, the thought process, casting couch discussions, and creative directions that every single movie in the "Friday the 13th" franchise took. While the entire book is golden, the chapter on this particular movie is an absolutely fascinating read. This movie was nothing less than the culmination of a decade-and-a-half's worth of effort by not only the different directors attached to it at one point or another (including GEORGE FRIGGIN' ROMERO), but horror fans as well. Rest assured, it was the fans that saw to it that this film was produced, and it's a tribute to the passion of we the horror faithful that this flick saw the light of day in such a wide release.

And lo and behold, it doesn't suck. In fact, it's damn near flawless. Folks, the "Freddy vs. Jason" that was delivered to us in theaters in August of '03 was the absolute best movie that we could have gotten out of this storyline. Because let me tell you something (brother), there were tons of possible abortions to be had out of this idea. While I'm not one of the incredibly insane (as opposed to moderately insane) fans who scour the message boards on a daily basis for any and all information on my upcoming movies, I DID read a few of the spec scripts for this particular movie - and egads, a couple of them were mind-numbingly terrible. I can't remember the exact details on all of them, but there was one draft in particular for this movie that featured an INCREDIBLY sympathetic version of Jason in which Freddy utilizes him in a much more masochistic fashion than he does in the finished film, leading to a finale where Jason is clearly the winner (as opposed to the ambiguous nature of this film's ending). Just to cap off the cheesiness, the movie ends with a very maudelin fade-in shot of the little kid version of Jason, complete with tender, tinkly wishy-wash music. So, so bad.

You know the FIRST thing I noticed about this movie, and appreciated on a very Horror Nerd level? It was rated R, and took that rating seriously. We live in a day and age where more and more horror films aim for the PG-13 rating to reach as wide of an audience as possible. While PG-13 ghost stories are perfectly acceptable, PG-13 slashers are, for lack of a better word, incredibly lame. There's certain things that we horror fans expect out of slasher films, not the least of which is plenty of gratuitous nudity and gore. It's part of the shared experience of these films; many of us became horror fans as children, when these movies became are entryway into adulthood, and our first dose of things that we probably shouldn't be seeing. As such, that very same nudity and gore that the public (and most general morons, for that matter) decry is a vital component in the enjoyment of these films. Or something. Or maybe I'm just talking out of my ass, which is far and away the most likely scenario.

So here we were. August of '03 at the multiplex, and the years of speculation had finally led to this night. It immediately became apparent that the people in charge of this movie paid some TLC to the stories of the previous films, as it tied the franchises together in very neat fashion. Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund - this series of reviews is about F13, so I'll spare the lengthy dissertation on Mr. Englund, but suffice to say he's awesome, and there will never be a better Freddy Krueger), famed dream stalker of Springwood, Illinois, is caught in a kind of purgatory. Blessed/cursed with the power to kill people from within their dreams after being lynched for molestation in his previous life, it seems that the town has managed to devise a way to cast him out of the memories of the town's children, and thus send him away. Only he has a secret weapon - the recently "killed" Jason Voorhees (from the events of "Jason Goes to Hell"), whom he plans to resurrect and send to Springwood to make the kids of the town remember him.

Our protagonist for this go-round is Lori (smokin' hot model Monica Keena). While you can say what you want about Keena's acting ability, the character is more than serviceable for the requisite final girl in this go-round, and the script actually does a decent job making us care about her. She's got a great tragic past that keeps getting pulled up as the story unfolds, as well as a former boyfriend (Jason Ritter) in the nuthouse for being one of the only kids in town refusing to let go of the memories of Mr. Krueger. There's also two immortal characters in Kia (Kelly Rowland of Destiny's Child - and the "Crystal Lake Memories" book has this great anecdote about how the producers originally wanted Pink for the role but rejected her after finding out she couldn't "act her way out of a wet paper bag"), a vanity-obsessed hotty with an attitude, and LINDERMAN (Chris Marquete, and I CAPS-locked the name because every time I see Mr. Marquete in another movie I have to yell his name in this movie at top volume), nerdy loser who has the hots for Lori, much to the chagrin of overprotective Kia. It speaks volumes about the quality of this movie that I actually remember the names of all the members of the main "group" of characters in the flick by name, making it one of the only horror movies of the previous decade to boast that honor.

So now that we've got our characters, the mayhem is about to be unleashed. The opening goings of the movie belong to Jason, as he shuffles around Elm Street (Freddy's former stomping grounds) offing the local teens in incredibly efficient fashion. The kills are not only brutal, but fun, calling to mind the Paramount entries of the series when we knew that some of these gorier moments would be cut by the MPAA. We also get some glimpses of Freddy trying to maim a few of the lesser characters with no success - while Jason has drummed up some fear, he's still not powerful enough. Eventually, however, enough people DO die (and start digging into Springwood's murky past) that he does gain his former strength, and it's at this point when the whole "Frankenstein's monster" dynamic of the film takes center stage. Freddy brought Jason back to life, but he doesn't want to go away. His creation has run amok, and now he must stop it.

The showdown/throwdown between the two characters lasts the entire final trimester of the movie. To be blunt, we horror fans expected quite a bit from these scenes, and truth be told, it would have been very easy for us to feel let down. I can't speak for everyone, obviously, but I personally did not feel let down by the fight scenes in the film. "Freddy vs. Jason" was directed by Ronny Yu, a man who cut his teeth in horror films previously on 1998's "Bride of Chucky" and is quite the visual artist, has tons of fun with the wackiness of the potential situation while also remembering to make it deadly serious on occasion. The fight scenes not only seem organic, but very well-planned, as well, pausing just long enough so that the events are not only exciting, but tell a story.

There's not really a whole lot negative I can say about this movie. Well, there is one thing. This was the first movie with a "Friday the 13th" connection in 15 years to not feature Kane Hodder behind the mask, and it's a slight distraction to the action. I understand the thought process behind casting stuntman Ken Kirzinger as Mr. Voorhees. They wanted someone who towered over Freddy, and Kane Hodder was almost on equal footing with the late-'50s character actor, as opposed to the towering Kirzinger. Since I've made it a point to "review" all of the Jason actors thus far, I think Kirzinger does a serviceable job - but he's no Hodder. I think, since we got Robert Englund as Freddy, fans also deserved to see the definitive Jason in this long-awaited smash-up, as well.

It's a minor complaint, however. I was super-stoked to buy a ticket almost seven years ago, and it seems to hold up pretty well upon repeat viewings (including the one yesterday in preparation for this review - the things I do for YOU PEOPLE).

So I've got one movie to go, huh?