IHR induction #38: "Creepshow" (1982, George A. Romero)

Firstly, unless you've been living under a rock for the past week, Leslie Nielsen has crossed over into the great hereafter...and, indeed, I didn't even know he was sick. While this reporter remembers him first and foremost for "Naked Gun 33 1/3" and its immortal "Like a blind man in an orgy, I was going to have to feel things out" line, the movie getting inducted in this round is a close second on my all-time Nielsen barometer. So Godspeed, Leslie - you will be remembered for a VAST array of immortal celluloid.

Secondly, "Creepshow" the feature film is definitely one of the most entertaining, funny, and downright unique horror movies that you'll ever see. Younger Horror Nerd readers out there might be under the impression that the HBO series "Tales From the Crypt" was the first creation in mass media to pay unabashed tribute to the bygone 1950s E.C. horror comics; wrong-'em, boyo. There's also a 1974 British film called "Tales From the Crypt" as well as several anthology movies throughout the '70s to prove you wrong, as well as this - the best horror anthology film of all time, period.

It certainly helps when you've got the talent that this flick has behind the camera. George Romero, a director who I'm no fan of (while the rest of the internet horror community waxes rhapsodic about the "Living Dead" movies, I've always been severely underwhelmed by them) but who no doubt has a unique voice and visual flair, is your captain, while Stephen King is the creative energy, penning the screenplay and even playing a major acting role for the first (and only) time in his long, storied career. Add in a few well-placed and well-played character actors, some very interesting camera tricks employed by Romero to simulate the "comic book" theme, and two candidates for "Best 'Tales From the Crypt' story not seen on the TV show," and you've got the recipe for one of my childhood favorite movies.

Before I get the hell going already with the brief synopsis portion of the review, a few words on horror anthologies in general - in short, they're awesome, and we need more of them. While 90-120 minute horror tales that spend time developing victim characters and delving into villainous back stories are all well and good, sometimes, I just want the flash fiction version of horror - give me some admittedly dumb and overplayed characters, an unapologetic basic plot, and an unfair/ironic/morality tale ending played out over a 20-minute timeframe. Repeat the formula five times, and I'm good to go. It's a formula that has worked for many different movies, not only in '70s films like "The House that Dripped Blood" and "The Vault of Fear" but in the vastly underrated "Tales From the Hood" and in the 2008 minor masterpiece "Trick 'R Treat." So take heed, horror directors of tomorrow; we need a good 5-6 story opus every few years.

I suppose the introduction is long and indulgent enough now.

THE MOVIE!!

Most horror anthology movies have some kind of framework, and "Creepshow" is built around the very thing that inspired it - horror comics. The stories in the movie come out of a fictional comic book that a young boy (played by Stephen King's real-life son Joe) is reading. It should also be noted that the boy's father is a screaming douchebag who admonishes the small child for his choice of literature. 'Cus you know his life is going to turn out well.

Segment 1 - "Father's Day"
This story sets the tone of the movie very well, establishing the typical "Tales From the Crypt"/E.C. horror formula. If you aren't familiar with that formula, here it is: Jerk character(s) do something jerky, get supernatural comeuppance at the end. An ensemble cast (including a very young Ed Harris) is gathered at some hoity-toity mansion to celebrate Father's Day - and wouldn't you know it, the titular father in this family is coming back for a little revenge against his money-grubbing, superficial family. Hey, that cake tastes good, dammit.

Segment 2 - "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill"
Based on King's creepy short story "Weeds," this segment is both classic E.C. and classic King rolled up into one, with a denounment that will stick with you long after the end credits roll. King himself plays Jordy Verrill, an uneducated country bumpkin who sees a meteor crash onto his farm land. He takes it home, hoping to get a handsome reward from the college, but instead finds himself f**ked over royally when a green, mossy substance begins growing all over his body as a result of his contact with the meteor. King is aces as the idiot hick Verrill, and the last shot is fourteen kinds of awesome.

Segment 3 - "Something to Tide You Over"
This is where Nielsen comes into the fold as a slightly psychotic and very jealous husband who takes it upon himself to teach a lesson to his philandering wife and her lover. Said lover, I should add, is played by Ted Danson. While there is virtually no explicit gore, this gets my vote for scariest segment in the movie; death by drowning is one of my greatest fears, and Nielsen's preferred method of killing is incredibly sadistic. For all wannabe cinephiles who believe that Leslie Nielsen was only a one-dimensional clown, here's your antidote. He does a fantastic job giving this character both a terrifying and hateable cadence, and when this guy gets what's coming to him, the audience is cheering in the aisles.

Segment 4 - "The Crate"
My personal favorite story in the film. Hal Holbrook plays a college professor who has an incredibly annoying and emotionally abusive wife (Adrienne Barbeau). Much to his luck, a mysterious crate has just arrived at the university containing a creature with a truly insatiable appetite. After witnessing the creature in action, Holbrook takes matters into his own hands and uses the monstrosity as the means of solving his greatest life hurdle. What makes this segment greatness personified? Both main actors are at the top of their game, with Holbrook coming off as an average joe driven to cruel measures and Barbeau as such a dislikable bitch that we're rooting for her character to be brutally murdered.

Segment 5 - "They're Coming to Get You"
This is the only story in the film that I don't particularly care for. That's not to say that it's bad by any means - E.G. Marshall is great as a ruthless businessman who feels like he is invincible from the outside forces of the world. A swarm of bloodthirsty cockroaches inside his apartment serve as the proverbial dose of karma. While it's got a few moments (specifically the ending), I just find this portion of the movie to be a little slow. Sadly, this one usually gets the skip treatment on my DVD player.

I also need to point out that "Creepshow," in its sum total, is one of the best executed movies in the history of the medium. Both Romero and King know precisely what they are trying to accomplish with the film; a live-action comic book, and the direction and screenplay take great pains to make this point come across. The characters are over-the-top, the lighting and visuals are colorful and luminous, even the structure is very comic-like (each segment is about 20 minutes, while your standard comic book is 22 pages long). Visually, the movie is a feast to watch, and just like the horror comics that the stories are inspired by, the stories themselves are creeptacular and keep audience members guessing just how the various tales of moral comeuppance are going to present themselves.

All in all, this is one of the horror essentials. While I have a slight quibble with the story placement (I would have led off with the cockroach story and ended with "The Crate"), it matters little - when it comes to horror movies that are just downright FUN to watch, it's tough to beat this one. It's got some excellent character actors in very well-defined (and admittedly simple) roles, some great gore effects by makeup maestro Tom Savini, and it's also the only movie in cinema history to feature a guy turning into a fully-grown mossy rock. How can you beat that?