No matter how many "Final Destination" films they eventually make, the series will always hold some level of nostalgia for me for one reason and one reason only: August 28, 2009. A DAY WHICH WILL LIVE IN INFAMY for horror fans everywhere, as it was not only the release date for "The Final Destination" (Part IV in the series), but also the date that Rob Zombie's Unholy Sequel That Shall Not Be Named was unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace. For no other reason than to stick it to the Z Man, I drove 90 miles to the closest 3D theater showing the former film, and while nothing about that particular movie sticks out with me to this day, I remember it being a damn fun time in theaters but that it likely wouldn't hold up for home viewing.
Well, it's more of the same for "Final Destination 5." Lots of cool, flashy visuals and intricate death trap kill scenes, but a plot and characters that are wafer-thin and - advance forewarning - WILL struggle to hold your interest in the scenes where they're not barely skirting death with seventeen moving parts coming together to insure as gory of a death as possible. Hell, the characters in this bunch were so generic that I didn't even bother to learn their names, referring to them as "Kinda Slutty Girl," "Generic Blonde," "Generic Main Guy," and "Tom Cruise." And thank the heavens for that last guy. Seriously, the dude who portrays the hero's best friend looks, acts, and even TALKS like the couch jumper so much that it's downright uncanny, and every time he's on screen you'll be wildly amused. Hopefully. At least I was.
Anyway, plot wise, if you've seen even one "FD" film, you know how this one goes. Begin with a catastrophic event where group of characters we are introduced to horrifically dies, flash back to reveal that said catastrophe was a vision by main character, main character saves core group of friends' lives, death comes back in a whiplash effect claiming these lucky survivors for "cheating the system" and beating death. This time around, the opening is some pretty kickass awesome stuff - a collapsing bridge, made all the more horrific since I'm from Minnesota where the I-95 bridge in the Twin Cities collapsed a few years back, and I saw some of this very same stuff on the news. Yikes. On the whole, this first act money scene is also a tad less hokey than that racetrack trip of doom from the previous film, which always helps.
The characters for this go-round are all employees of a paper company on a weekend retreat. Their boss, by the way, is played by David Koechner, who is aces in everything he's in, from Saturday Night Live to Out Cold, and is the only cast member that I know by name other than Tony Todd, who does his usual bit as the foreboding Coroner to perfection. Who they are isn't important. As I said before, all the stuff that they do in between the death scenes is barely significant.
In other words, you know the reason that you go to "Final Destination" films - fantastically staged and awesomely gory death scenes. That's what sells the tickets, and it's a formula that's worked well for this series that continues to make loads of cash on relatively modest budgets. And this batch doesn't disappoint; not in the slightest. Three of the deaths are downright cringe-inducing, and and succeed in doing what the true purpose of any horror movie is. Namely, make the audience wince in advance. The gymnast scene is masterfully drug out, with a couple false finishes thrown in before the big finale, while the laser eye surgery bit is the first thing from a horror film I've seen in a LONG time to make me literally close my eyes and turn away.
These things, fellow horror fans, are what this movie is really all about. Since the movie works on its intended level, I'm giving it a positive review, although if you're looking for anything more than that, don't expect it. This flick is loads of fun in a theater, and that's really where you must see it, just like any film in this franchise. The home experience just doesn't do it justice.
*** out of ****.
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