Well, here we go - the movie that I've waited damn near twenty years to see.
I can vividly remember the first time that I saw the box art for "Phantasm." The year was 1992. At that time, there were no fewer than four video huts in Horror Nerd Land (codename for the small town that Jon Lickness calls home). One of them was located inside a shopping mall, and...it...was...awesome. Whereas most video stores (then and now) feature actual VHS tapes/DVD's lining the shelves, this place had an insanely deep library of material that made this long practice impossible. No sir - you had to take a small 3 x 5 tag adorned with a miniature copy of the video cover up to the counter, and said counter monkey got your movie for you, no doubt traversing to some mystical gigantic VHS storehouse located deep within the bowels of said shopping mall in the process. At least that was the scene that played out in my childhood self's mind.
Well, in this video store, the nine-year-old and infinitely more agreeable Horror Nerd wandered the aisles, perusing the action section (which included two full rows of NINJA MOVIES - the awesomeness), getting bored, and eventually winding up at the endlessly terrifying but no doubt fascinating area of the store that had just recently captured his imagination. The old-school horror aisle. Even better, the early '90s was a magical time to be at this age and to be into scary flicks. The "Friday the 13th" and "Nightmare on Elm Street" flicks were still fresh on everyone's mind, and the Chucky films were getting regular airplay on TV. Sandwiched in between all those luminaries was a big, menacing guy standing in front of a giant ball [/sexual connotation], surrounded by holy hell creepy imagery and other assorted stuff designed to make children sprint home and curl up into the fetal position.
A long time passed. After the Most Awesome Video Store Ever closed its doors, none of the other fine video rental establishments in Everytown, Minnesota carried the damn thing. I kept waiting for the film to show up on TNT MonsterVision during my embarrassing (don't ask - it's painful) formative years. No luck. As the years went by and the semi-legendary treasure trove of horror goodies ballooned to Brobdingnagian proportions, for some reason or another, other things kept occupying my time and money. First slasher flicks. Then J-horror. Then Dario Argento. Then Hammer films. Then more J-horror.
Well, the seven stars have aligned and the crystal chalice has been placed at the altar of worship. Or something. So - ARE YOU READY FOR "PHANTASM"??!? This guy is. So - the million dollar question. Does it live up to the hype?
The short answer is yes, and then some. I'd heard quite a bit about "Phantasm" before watching it. It's one of the de facto bastions of geek culture, with the term 'cult classic' being slung its way in pretty much every arena that I've ever seen it discussed. It lives up to that billing. Is it a great high art film? No. Is it a really fun flick? Absolutely. There's nothing quite like "Phantasm" in the approximately 95,000 other horror films that have come my way over the years.
First of all, the protagonists. This is a movie that wastes little time getting its story (and I use that word in the absolute loosest definition) going. Our main character is Michael (A. Michael Baldwin) - plucky early teenager who has just had one of his close friends die under mysterious circumstances (namely while in mid-coitus, at which point the girl that he's banging turns into the creepy-looking guy seen in the above photo for a split second before he immediately turns up dead - did I say that this is some movie?). There's a decent emotional factor to the character of Mike, as both of the poor kid's parents have also died, leaving him under the care of his older brother Jody (Bill Thornbury).
And Jody - oh, Jody. Jody is a cool dude. Like, really cool dude. Really 1979 cool dude as seen through the eyes of Don Coscarelli, the guy who wrote and directed this movie. He plays guitar, he plays bitchin' songs, he wears cool threads, he curses like a sailor, and he likes to pick up girls at bars and bring them out to the creepy graveyard for middle of the night boinking sessions. All true, and all presented to us to see in glorious hi-res action.
Anyway, 24-year-old Jody forbids his younger brother to attend the funeral of Inconsequential Friend...but since he's a rambunctious movie kid, he disobeys the rules laid down by his groovy sibling and watches the proceedings through binoculars. Among the things he sees? The Tall Man (AFOREMENTIONED creepy guy in picture/main villain of the film) horking up the casket by himself and lugging it into a hearse.
As we enter the "analysis" portion of this review, first things first - if you like your horror movies to make sense, you'll be disappointed with this movie. "Phantasm" doesn't make a lick of sense, at least in the context of what I've seen. Supposedly, the three sequels make the proceedings in this introductory chapter more clear, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. At times, this movie reminded me a lot of Dario Argento's classic "Suspiria" - it's less about its story then it is about its atmosphere, but while that film was all about oppression, this movie is about darkness.
That's not to say that the movie has no plot. The middle and ending portions of this film focus on the dynamic between Jody and Michael as strange hallucinations involving the Tall Man and strange, mystical flying orbs begin haunting his every waking moment. Both actors do a great job with their respective parts, especially Baldwin as Michael. Having seen other horror movies with younger teens/children as a primary protagonist, I fully expected this kid to be wholly grating. To my surprise, he wasn't - in fact, he's pretty damn likable, and as he goes through the pains of getting his sensible brother to believe him when he says that the Tall Man is some sort of mystical helldemon with holy killing prowess, the audience is very much in his corner. Five gold stars for A. Michael Baldwin - you now rank just behind C. Thomas Howell in my "favorite actor with a letter for a first name" rolodex.
What's also quite unique about this movie is its mishmash of various film styles. There's horror, obviously, with its menacing villain and fine assortment of gore scenes. There's adventure, as the brothers make an endless series of trips to and from the Tall Man's lair, attempting to make out (and say the line, no less) what the hell is going on, all the while getting attacked by the acting-of-their-own-accord stabbing spheres and dealing with a veritable army of dwarven hooded henchmen. There's sci-fi...for pretty much all of the reasons described in the previous sentence. There's even some action sprinkled in, as our cool heroes engage in an honest-to-christ car chase sequence complete with shotgun blasts and explosions. Yup.
The final link on the chain of awesomeness (groan...even I know that's bad) is the guy that I've mentioned several times already - the Tall Man himself. He's played by a gentlemen named Angus Scrimm, who lends an ungodly, unnerving presence to the character somehow connected to the random deaths and supernatural hooligans going on in Phantasm. He's a little reminiscent of the way Freddy Krueger is portrayed in the original "Nightmare on Elm Street" film - he's a man of few words, but when he chooses to speak, he makes it count. Trust me, this dude will turn up in your thoughts at some inopportune times. Definitely right up there with Jason, Freddy, Kayako and some of the other great villainous horror movie icons.
*takes long breath, then exhales*
So here we are, right back where we began. Nineteen years from the date that I first saw and effectively heard of a little movie called "Phantasm" released back in 1979, and now it's a permanent part of my memory. It was well worth the wait. While Jody and Michael each say the phrase "What the hell is going on here?" approximately 17,689 times throughout the flick's running time, it's completely justified. First time viewers WILL spend their time watching this movie completely dumbfounded as to just what the hell is going on here. Even better, the ending doesn't do much to make things clearer. No matter. There's cool-ass good guys, badass bad guys, blood, guts, s**ts and giggles, and everything you could ever want rolled up in between.
**** out of ****, and my highest recommendation for horror fans everywhere.
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