Jaws 3-D (1983)

1983
Directed by Joe Alves
Starring Dennis Quaid, Bess Armstrong, Lea Thompson, Louis Gossett Jr. and John Putch

And now we're getteing deeper and deeper into the abyss of my childhood.  Gremlins is the first movie that I actively remember watching, but the second and third Jaws flicks aren't far behind.  While they still pop up occasionally on the schedule, I'm fairly sure that these two movies singlehandedly kept TBS afloat.  They used to get played CONSTANTLY on the Turner stations, to the point where I could almost count on them getting me through the weekends.

Man, I'm a little more nostalgic about this movie than I thought.

Jaws 3-D was originally pitched by the producers as a spoof of the first two films in the franchise, with the early working title of Jaws 3, People 0.  Having seen this movie approximately 100 times and being well aware of the fact that it holds an 11% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, it's always been my opinion that they made the right move switching to the campy yet SRS approach.  As for some more basic information that pretty much everybody already knows, the flick was released during the height of the early '80s 3D boom (which also included Friday the 13th Part III and Amityville 3D, the latter of which being so incredibly crappy that Uwe Boll would be damn jealous), a gimmick that is utilized to somewhat comedic effect since I've only ever seen this movie on cable television.  Oh, and it's got Lea Thompson at the peak of her '80s hotness.

PLOT:  While the first two movies in the franchise focused on a giant killer shark at large in the great, vast expanse of ocean (/Jacques Cousteau), the theme is switched up in this movie to take place in a more confined area.  This time around, the locale is SeaWorld in Florida, where Michael Brody (Dennis Motherfuckin' Quaid) and Kay Morgan (Bess Armstrong) ply their trade as marine biologists/dolphin trainers.  And yeah, the former is indeed Roy Scheider's son, all growed up.  And I think you know where we're going from here.  A juvenile shark makes its way inside the SeaWorld gates coinciding with the opening of the park's in-ocean tunnels, meaning that instead of waiting for the sporadic few morons to go swimming and come to the shark, this time there's a bunch of potential snacks trapped with him.  Only, in a swerve that Vince Russo himself would be damn proud of, there's not one but two big fish terrorizing the sea(ish) this time around.  After two movies, in many respects this film is a bit of a step down in the plot department.  Paint-by-numbers is the best cliche that I can come up with to sum it up.
PLOT RATING: ** out of ****.

CHARACTERS AND ACTORS:  In addition to Michael Brody, this movie also includes little brother Sean in the proceedings.  Played by John Putch, he's got all kinds of water-fear issues, understandable considering what he went through in the last film.  Most of the other characters in this film are related to SeaWorld in some way - you've got Lou Gossett as park manager Calvin Bouchard, the aforementioned Thompson as a hottie water skier who Sean woos the shit out of...and then FitzRoyce (Simon MacCorkindale), the most hilariously inept big-game fish hunter in the history of cinema.  Robert Shaw, this guy ain't.  Thompson is loads of fun to look at run around in her panties, and Gossett is aces in pretty much everything he's in.  This movie is no different, as Calvin Bouchard takes over the Mayor Vaughan role in this film as the guy who denies every nasty shark rumor that comes up.  Since this movie revolves mainly around Michael and Kay, however, the film falls a little flat in this regard, mainly due to the fact that Dennis Quaid was just as charismatic in this film as he would be in his later years (read: not very much).
CHARACTERS AND ACTORS RATING: ** 1/2 out of ****.

COOL FACTOR:  Fortunately for Jaws 3, this is one part of the movie that the screenwriter definitely got right.  I'm a huge fan of the locale in this movie.  As the movie ticks by, the switch is pulled on us where the shark that we've seen for much of the first act is revealed to be the baby; the mama is much bigger and nastier.  In addition to that, it's got some pretty nifty atmosphere-style suspense tricks as the shark causes the tunnels to flood, trapping a whole bunch of SeaWorld patrons inside to fend for themselves.  When it comes to the money scenes, this is also a movie that has its fair share of memorable stuff, most notably the dead body that shows up in the Lagoon and the death of FitzRoyce.  To say nothing about some of the LOL moments to be had sitting on a couch with buddies watching the 2D version of this very early '80s 3D flick.  See above picture for proof.
COOL FACTOR: *** 1/2 out of ****.

OVERALL:  The law of diminishing returns for the franchise had already begun to creep in by the time the flick was released; on a budget of $20 million, Jaws 3-D grossed a hundred million dollars less than Jaws 2.  Critical reception was also very lukewarm.  But much like the previous movie in the franchise, this is a movie that holds a lot of nostalgic value for this guy.  Yeah, I know that Mr. Stuffy Film Critic Guy will be able to tell you all of the reasons why this movie is subpar in pretty much every way, but I don't care.  It's a giant killer shark movie that doesn't intentionally shoot for the "so bad it's good" value that all of those downright unwatchable SyFy original films do, and there are precious few of those to go around anymore.  

OVERALL RATING: *** out of ****.  A decent-enough movie to watch by youself, but another horror flick that can lead to a very good time with a small group of riffers to bite back with.