The Maid (2005)

2005
Directed by Kelvin Tong
Starring Alessandra De Rossi, Chen Shu Cheng, Hong Hui Fang and Benny Soh

Most people who've been reading my stuff for a while are aware (likely to the annoying level) that I'm a big mark for Asian horror.  In no small part due to the fact that I only got into the genre recently after absorbing approximately 98,717 American slasher films, these felt like a gigantic breath of fresh air.  For starters, in these movies, all bets are off - I've seen my fair share of them that end with every single character dead, complete with a nonironic, non-dream-style-Repo Men-esque depressing-as-all-fuck denounment.  That's something you don't get in many American flicks.  Here in the States, we typically get the "ending loud noise scare stinger" as the last image we get in the theater as everyone walks out laughing at yet another "gotcha" ending. 

Compared to Lil' Kayako shuffling down the stairs and walking into Tokyo to wreak havoc at the end of Ju-On 2, it's hard for any of these films to compare.

But I digress.  While I've got the boner for Japanese-and-otherwise ghost films, I don't like every single one of them.  This one included.  The Maid is actually a movie that comes to us from Singapore where it was a huge hit.  It's also a movie that has yet to get any kind of remake that I'm aware of.  It's something that I'm grateful for, because this flick is like A Tale of Two Sisters on valium.  It's a slow burn that never quite burns, so let's examine where this movie went wrong.

Our main character is Rosa (De Rossi, who is both hot and likable throughout the flick), a young woman who has just arrived in Singapore from the Phillipines to work as a family's domestic maid.  I bet you didn't see that one coming.  The early portions of the movie introduce us to the family.  There's Mr. and Mrs. Teo (Cheng and Fang, respectively), who seem like nice enough employers initially (OR DO THEY? - sorry, too much Nostalgic Critic lately) and their mentally handicapped son Ah Soon (Soh).  In between the fascinating bits of domestic bliss that we would expect form the early portions of a movie of this nature, we're also treated to the local customs when it comes to ghosts.  As it turns out, this will be the most interesting thing in this film.

A key plot device in The Maid involves the Chinese Seventh Month, where legend has it that the Gates of Hell open for 30 days.  Throughout the movie, people are doing all kinds of things to appease these spirits - leaving gifts, incense, locking up before sundown, etc.  It also leads to some of the best visuals that Kelvin Tong serves up, with rather scary-looking costumed folk dancing in the relative darkness of the Singapore streets.  Rosa makes more than her fair share of faux pas when it comes to Hell Month, leading to a few stern warnings at the hands of Mr. and Mrs. Teo.  When elderly employers shake their fists at you, you best heed the warnings.

Caution: in this paragraph be spoilers.  While cleaning up the house, Rosa disvoers the ashes of Esther, the previous maid that the Teos employed.  A ghostly vision soon commences where it was revealed that Esther was raped by Ah Soon, and fearing the equivalent of Marcellus Wallace's pipe-hittin' brothers in the court room killed Esther by burning her to death.  Lo and behold, Ah Soon has similar feelings for Rosa.

A big benchmark for success in movies of this nature is whether or not the surprises manage to satisfy, and this is where this movie really comes up short.  There is a major swerve that comes our way in the third act, but it's not the good kind.  Instead, it's the eye-rolling head-scratching kind - the kind that makes you go "oh come on!" to any unfortunate soul who might be sharing the room with you.  Eventually, what we're left with for the rest of the film is the usual brand of chase-and-slash with a large dose of ghostliness.  This sort of thing can work with a character as likable as Rosa, but it all comes up surprisingly flat here.  How much?  I dozed off on three separate occasions the first time I tried watching this movie.

It could be that this is just one of those "it just wasn't my thing" movies.  The Maid...um...made a king's ransom in Singapore when it was released, and won a few awards from film festivals, but for the love of me I just can't figure out why.  This flick is almost the very definition of cookie-cutter; starry-eyed heroine, family with a dark secret, one big turn in the proceedings and a tense, chase-filled finale.  Most Asian horror movies manage to accomplish this formula with no shortage of flair, even switching up the order to make it seem more fresh.  This one?  It's a cure for insomnia and not much more.

* 1/2 out of ****.  This is one for the "avoid" pile.  It's vanilla to the max.