Catacombs (1988)

1988
Directed by David Schmoeller
Starring Tim Van Patten, Ian Abercrombie, Jeremy West and Laura Schaefer

We're up to movie #2 in this marathon run that I had never seen before, and so far we're definitely batting a thousand on the quality ratio of said films.  Catacombs is another rarity in the Empire catalogue in that it has no real camp value.  It's played completely straight and the death scenes are actually meant to be scary.  The same could also be said for Crawlspace, the OTHER movie that was entirely new to me when I watched it in preparation for reviewing it.  Both movies were also directed by David Schmoeller, and I'm mystified why this guy never got more of a look in Hollywood, because his talents are amazing.

I knew Schmoeller's name from a few different things before taking in this box set.  Mostly for the original Puppet Master and a bunch of episodes of Silk Stalkings (note: I may or may not have binge-watched this show on Hulu a few months back).  Now, he might be #1 on my list of underrated horror directors.  Before Blade and the rest of those guys came along, Schmoeller seemed to be Charles Band's go-to "serious movie" director, and I've gotta hand it to him because both Crawlspace and this flick did a number on me for vastly different reasons.  We'll be getting to them in due time, trust me.  The last thing that I should mention in this particular go-round of introductory stuff designed to make me sound like an actual writer is that, despite being damn near 30 years old, this movie still looks GREAT.  Nothing really dates it, with the possible exception of the main girl's choice of slacks.  Time to dive into the caves (/horrible segue)...

First things first: you know how I've mentioned the Rule of Ten when it comes to writing screenplays?  Like, to the point that you're probably all sick of hearing it?  Well, this film has a first ten minutes that's quite simply something else.  We start off in in a 17th century Italian monastery where a man has been possessed by a demon, signified by his freaky-deaky deathly white face.  He's chained up in the catacombs of said monastery, and the residing monks and church officials soon appear to perform an exorcism.  It fails, somewhat, but they manage to brick the demon up inside a wall with a holy seal.  It should also be noted that this follows the demon psychically using his mystic powers to kill the dick out of a few of his attackers.  Yeah, attention had.

Flash forward to the present day of 1988, where the monastery is now led by the wise old Brother Orsini (Ian Abercrombie) and his assistant Brother Marinus (Jeremy West).  I've seen Abercrombie in plenty of stuff in the past; he is something of an Empire/Full Moon regular as well as being the unquestionably awesome Mr. Pitt character from Seinfeld.  West was new to me, but as the yin to Abercrombie's yang he was fantastic.  See, Orsini is the Brother Superior of this place at the start of the film, a super-likable character that we immediately attach to, while Marinus is the much more serious and almost immediately dislikable second-in-command.  Both react in very different ways when they get a visitor in the form of American schoolteacher Elizabeth Magrino (Laura Schaefer).  To say nothing of the demon that' still dying to get out of its prison in the maze of tomb-like caverns underneath the place.

Just HOW the demon resurrects itself is never really explained, at least in the version of the film I saw.  Elizabeth shows up and from that point on weird stuff starts happening, complete with a bunch of creepy POV shots traveling through the catacombs complete with maniacal laughter being played over the sobering soundtrack.  Eventually, some of the monks start to die due to an unseen force...and eventually it becomes not-so-unseen.  While not a gory flick in the least bit, Catacombs plays up the psychology of death to near-perfection, as we get a buried alive death, psychic neck-breaking, stabbing...and how the monk who has a penchant for candy bites it is horrifying.  I'm not going to spoil what happens there.

One character that I completely forgot to mention is Father John Durham (Tim Van Patten), present at the monastery to preside over the death of his longtime mentor.  That's a side plot that I won't bother to spell out, because in truth I found it pretty boring.  I think this guy was undoubtedly the weakest link of the film, especially since he's the one who we're left rooting for when the movie reaches its final climax section with the same possessed albino (don't sue me, PC police - that's actually his name in the freakin' ending credits!) using his mystical mind powers to throw him all over the floor.  But +2 cool points for the final scene and ending fadeout that pretty much tells us that this story is wrapped up with no possibility of a sequel.  This alone almost always makes me add an extra half-star to any horror movie simply because I find it so minty-fresh.

To be sure, there is some stuff in Catacombs that doesn't quite work.  I think the biggest WTF this flick has is just how the demon operates.  Sometimes, it seems to be a kind of ghost.  Sometimes, it's a flesh-and-blood dude with a weird face.  And sometimes it's full-on William Peter Blatty possession, although the "black eyes" marker on this one is really disturbing.  Because of this, the movie seems to jump around in tone quite a bit.  I liked what we got to see of Laura Schaefer, but we also don't get to know her character that well.  Another ten minutes of development for her would have done wonders.  I also can't help but think that the climax wouldn't have been much better with one of the monks getting the final honor of being the demon-killing hero of the film instead of Father John.  That dude is just milquetoast to the core.

Fortunately, there's a lot that this movie does right.  Most of it has directly to do with Schmoeller.  The atmosphere here is just off the charts, mainly due to the fact that they filmed this movie at an actual monastery in Italy.  There are some things that just can't be replicated by any amount of CGI wizardry, and the world that this movie inhabits is one of them.  The camerawork is super unsettling during the various scenes where characters are walking around in the catacombs - there always seems to be something just around every corner, and when it's time for somebody to bite it, Schmoeller makes it count.  Lastly, the acting by everyone involved is top notch, especially Abercrombie and West.  If I wasn't into somebody's character, it was a script problem and not a flesh puppet problem.  And when I start reaching for alleged jokes like "flesh puppet problem," it's time to wrap up a review.

*** 1/2 out of ****.  This was actually the final Empire movie produced before the company capsized with the weight of its loan debt, and it was definitely a classy way to go out.  Check this one out, kids.