Alas, the reality of the movie was far from the holy grail of coolness that I had pictured in my head. What I got was a pretty by-the-numbers mystery flick with a pretty ridiculous slasher movie-style ending. While it might have been far from the first movie to suffer from "M. Night Shyamalan" Syndrome - the much-maligned aftereffect of the dude who was ever-so-fond of Vince Russo-ish swerves, wherein damn near every thriller movie since he hit the scene has to have some wackamaroo twist ending - it might have arguably been the most annoying, as it demolished a movie that boasts some pretty impressive acting and turned it into an eye-rollingly stupid ride.
Having said that, the movie was a huge financial success, so huzzah for horror in that regard. On with the show.
PLOT: Following the suicide death of his wife, psychologist David Callaway (Robert DeNiro) heads out to the country with his daughter Emily (Dakota Fanning) to start over. Par for the course, said country house is one of those interminably creepy places with nooks and crannies in every crevice (redundancy alert). Even better, it's got a HIDDEN CAVE located on the premises. Man, I would have killed for one of those as a kid. While David gets a little chummy with neighbor lady Elisabeth (Shue), Emily begins playing with an imaginary friend named Charlie. Things escalate quickly, as angry messages written on the wall leads to the death of the family cat - all of which the child blames on the eponymous Charlie. Any fan of horror movies should know where this is going due to all the ominous synthy music that this movie throws at you. Eventually, Charlie's actions escalate to the point of murder, leading to a final act consisting of some of the most baffling and unintentionally hilarious scenes I've ever seen.
PLOT RATING: * 1/2 out of ****.
CHARACTERS AND ACTORS: It goes without saying, but DeNiro is an awesome actor. The guy really does throw his all into every movie role, and this is no exception. Even during the third act when the movie flies off the rails, he's 100% invested and convincing. For a brief period of time in the mid-oughts, Dakota Fanning really did seem like she was on the verge of becoming a major star, then summarily dropped off the face of the Earth once her advisers told her that filming the controversial-just-for-the-sake-of-controversial indie film Hound Dog was a good idea. A shame, really, because she has charisma and likability in spades, both of which are well on display in this film. In addition to Shue, we've also got Famke Janssen as a family friend and fellow psychologist who periodically shows up to be an endearing mother figure to Emily. In short, while the characters occasionally veer into laughable territory, the movie is populated by some very talented people who give this very suspect material their all.
CHARACTERS AND ACTORS RATING: *** 1/2 out of ****.
COOL FACTOR: Hide and Seek isn't a body count movie, or a ghost movie. That's all well and good, because some of the coolest horror movies of all time fall in the horror/suspense/thriller subgenre (Silence of the Lambs, anyone?). Unfortunately, there isn't much to remember in Hide and Seek. The movie's "money" death scene (and I'll leave it up to you, loyal reader, to figure out which character of the ones mentioned above is the most disposable) comes out of nowhere to the point where it prompts laughter instead of sympathy, and the final chase sequence feels like it belongs in another movie.
COOL FACTOR: * out of ****.
OVERALL RATING: This is a starnge beast of a movie. I will admit...it sucked me in the first time I saw it, and while I was able to call the character that would bite it first, I was very emotionally invested in the two lead characters (especially Fanning as Emily) and very intrigued by the prospect of this "Charlie" character and the various directions that screenwriter Ari Schlossberg could have gone with it. Instead, we get what is BY FAR the least interesting thing that could have come from the concept, and it's because of this decided lack of payoff that the "Plot" and "Cool Factor" ratings took a big hit. Because, you know, my three-point rating system is very scientific. I don't think there is much more to say about this movie, except that shovels are a motherfucker.
OVERALL RATING: * 1/2 out of ****. A promising start leading to a trainwreck of Gigli-esque proportions.
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