Directed by Luca Bercovici and Albert Band
Starring Peter Liapis, Lisa Pelican, Michael Des Barres, Royal Dano, Phil Fondacaro and J. Downing
It has begun. The annual, all-too-early anticipation of the Halloween season. And this year it's starting a little earlier, for reasons that I'll get to in a little bit. I've already taken on a whole bunch of different themes for this unholy time of year, from slasher flicks to last year's marathon of Universal monster movies. Neither I nor my parents live on the greatest street in the history of Halloween anymore, which means that particular part of my childhood has died. I was saddened greatly by this, almost to the point of not quite knowing what I was going to cover this year. But fear not, good citizens, because I got my hands on this beauty over the course of the summer...
Oh yeah, the Empire Pictures Blu-Ray set, straight from the fine folks at Full Moon Direct. At $250, it definitely wasn't cheap, but having seen a good two-thirds of the movies featured within before, it really is like watching them for the first time again considering the difference in the old beat-up VHS rental copies that I was used to versus whatever the hell the technical specs are on a Blu-Ray. Eye opening. And I now somewhat regret my years of ranting about having to buy an HDTV and how it wasn't "pure," or something. I've always said things that don't really make sense. This is no new phenomenon.
First, a little bit of background. I've always been a huge fan of Full Moon Features, the almost exclusively direct-to-video juggernaut started by Charles Band in the late '80s and maintaining a glory period that lasted well into the '90s with the awesome Puppet Master franchise remaining front and center throughout this time and many other classics too numerous to mention. Before there was Full Moon, however, there was Empire Pictures, the studio started by Charles and his father Albert. I was a late-comer when it came to Empire, but holy hell, was I missing out. I think you can sum these films up best with the following sentence: mean subjects but never mean-spirited. That's the short end of the stick when it comes to the films contained in this box set...but it should also be noted that the set ITSELF is incredibly well put-together. Almost every disc on it is stocked with extras, the box art is nifty, the enclosed booklet is interesting, it's all like an orgasm in convenient $250 form. Whoa. There's the most weirdly disturbing thing I'll say all year. Having said all of that, as you can see above I manage to obtain set 262 out of 600, and I can only assume that they've sold quite a bit more of these in the months since. If you are able to snatch one up, do it, and soon.
Having said all of that, let's get to a couple of the movies contained in this bad boy!
Charles Band and the rest of the crew had done some movies under the Empire label before, but 1984's Ghoulies was definitely the one that made people stand up and take notice. Well, sort of. It's weird. I remember seeing this VHS tape prominently on display in pretty much EVERY video store I visited as a kid, yet no one I knew seemed to have seen the movie. A few years earlier and it would have been a different story, because this movie was a MASSIVE success as a rental. The sequel Ghoulies II came four years later, pretty much after every other film that is going to get reviewed in this marathon, only this time it went theatrical. I've already reviewed both of these movies. Look to the April and May 2012 sections of this here blog if you want those reviews along with the later films in the Ghoulies series if you want those and if you're really masochistic, because that was when I wrote MAMMOTH reviews. Think they're long and masturbatory now? I used to detail every single last NUANCE of the flick in question. Thus, I'll spare everyone the pain and make these reviews extra brief. I promise.
The first movie is really a strange beast, as it has almost nothing to do with the title creatures in a move that most people claim is a shameless to cash in on the success of Gremlins. Only Band came up with the "Beasties" concept before that film was even a thing, so chalk one up for ol' Charlie. Peter Liapis is the star, and he plays Jonathan Graves, college kid who has just inherited a pretty damn sweet castle from his extended family. He brings his girlfriend (Lisa Pelican) along with him, and they are also joined by Jonathan's college buddies - one of whom looks a hell of a lot like Kiefer Sutherland. And when he starts break-dancing, it's hilarious. Also worth mentioning is the caretaker of the house who shows up at the end to give us the most hilarious belly-laugh in cinema history. Spoiler alert.
The flick is actually a lot more of a "sorcery" movie than a horror film for the most part, with Jonathan finding out that his father dabbled in the black arts and then doing a lot of dabbling himself. The film might sound dumb, and in many ways it is, but it's also a lot of fun. Liapis turns in a great performance, but the movie REALLY belongs to Michael Des Barres as Jonathan's zombified dad who shows up at the end for a demonic magic battle the likes of which you've never seen before. Watching the extras on this Blu-Ray, I was stunned to find out that the dude is actually a rock singer in real life. Makes sense considering some of the lines he screams out here. I give this flick *** 1/2 out of **** for all of the wrong reasons, but it's definitely worth watching. One of my favorite movies to pop in around October.
Which brings me to the second film. Folks, THIS is your big Gremlins ripoff, as the ghoulies who pretty much only showed up to appear out of the shadows in the first film get front-and-center treatment this time around. Through convoluted means that I won't bother recapping, they find their way to a carnival and wreak all sorts of havoc. By and large, the protagonist aren't very interesting with one very notable exception: the always awesome Phil Fondacaro as Sir Nigel Penneyweight, a worker at the carnival's spook house who constantly talks about his amazing acting skills. The movie also gives us a Mrs. Deagle-esque human villain in the form of a big company representative who is looking to shut down the carnival, thus putting everyone out of work. Boo-hiss.
I don't enjoy the second movie quite as much, mostly because it is basically what I've already typed out. You've seen this movie a bunch of times before. However, it DOES manage to have the saving grace of the ghoulies themselves. There's a bat-like ghoulie, a ghoulie with cloven hooves, a ghoulie that throws up toxic sludge, and the famous green "toilet" ghoulie that scare the bejeebers out of me as a kid when I saw it on the VHS cover. We actually get the "ghoulie in a toilet" sequence in this movie, but all those years later I found it pretty underwhelming. The movie isn't scary at all, and it isn't very much fun until the final trimester, but it is pretty damn offbeat. That should be enough for a ** 1/2 out of **** rating...along with the awesome W.A.S.P. ending credits song "Scream Until You Like It."
Chronologically, the two Ghoulies movies bookend all of the other movies you're about to read about. But they're a perfect starting point for those just getting into the goodness of Empire horror. Over the coming weeks, we'll be diving into the abyss...and coming back alive. Prepare yourself.
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