Talking puppets, nude Hope Carlton, and a scenery-chewing charactor actor - what else could it be but Ghoulies III?

Welcome to the mythical third entry of Ghoulies, loyal Horror Movie Madness readers.  For lack of a better explanation, this is the point where the Ghoulies series took a turn for the Jason Lives, doing its damndest to put on a happy face (yes, even more than the last film, which proudly featured a Shakespeare-quoting midget as its most interesting protagonist) and attempt to bring the comedy.  During my typical exhaustive research phase in planning out this review (which consisted of five minutes' worth of Google searching), I've surmised that this is a real mixed bag with fans of the series.  It's either a love it or hate it deal, with some people deriding this as worse than Troll 2 and others calling it a misunderstood classic.  In other words...it looks like I'm in for an interesting watch.

A few other things I gleamed from my five-minute research binge - this was the point in the series where it was no longer considered financially viable to be released on the big screen.  Which means that it's direct-to-video city, baby.   Charles Band is also gone as the executive producer - instead, Iain Peterson is the guy most directly responsible (kind of like Miles Bennett Dyson) for this claptrap.  Horror fans might recognize the name - he also produced Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood as well as a bunch of episodes of Friday the 13th: The Series.  With Peterson comes John Carl Buechler, a makeup wiz who did the creature effects for Ghoulies II as well as directing Friday VII for Peterson.  This sterling resume was enough to get him the prestigious director's chair for Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College.

I suppose that's enough introduction.  Ready for the complete blow-by-blow?  No?  Well, tough.

THE MOVIE!!

I'll say this for "college" movies from the early '90s - they REALLY make me wish I had been born in the early '70s, because going to college during this period seems like loads of fun.  Massive debauchery, nonstop partying - and plot props like we get in this flick in the form of "Prank Week."  Yup, this flick is set during fictional Glazier College's Prank Week, which is a HUGE deal with all of the fraternities at given campus.  So much so that the first thing we are treated to is a five-minute montage of said pranks, consisting of such things as sprinklers going off on random students and ejector benches.  And it's rip-roaringly hilarious, I tell ya.

Our main character for this flick is Skip (Evan MacKenzie), leader of the Beta Zeta Theta fraternity.  To sum it up as conveniently as possible, this would be your "Animal House" fraternity within the confines of this film.  Their chief rival is the evil, Cobra Kai-ish Gamma Sci bunch, led by the douchebaggy (and you can tell this because he's blonde - I've noticed this in college movies; evil frat leaders are ALWAYS blonde) Jeremy, played by John Johnston.  Proving that this flick's screenplay has a truly epic scope, Skip is attempting to woo an impossibly hot brunette sorority chick named Erin (Eva LaRue from CSI: Miami), who in turn dates the vile Jeremy.  It's a truly Romeo-and-Juliet style conundrum.

Our human villain in this film comes in the form of Professor Ragnar, played with scenery-chewing zeal by Biff Loman himself Kevin McCarthy.  McCarthy is a real unsung hero in the world of film, a character actor who has the ability to vanish into any role he's given, no matter how stupid or contrived.  He's even a genre vet, having a pretty memorable role in Joe Dante's werewolf classic The Howling as well as both the original and 1978 versions of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  All things considered, he's definitely the best thing about this film.  Ragnar will be serving as your Dean Wormer in this extraordinarily inventive film.  As the stodgy old codger in a college movie, he, of course, despises Prank Week with a fashion, and the plot is set in motion when he confiscates a "Ghoulish Tales" comic book from Wes, one of the Beta Zeta frat boys who kinda looks like Pauly Shore.  Of course, said comic book is really the all-powerful Ghoulie-summoning tome in this film, and before you know it, we've got creatures roaming around Glazier campus.

Before we continue, a few words on THESE Ghoulies...they're, uh, different from what you're used to.  By and large, they LOOK the same as the creatures seen in the previous film - there's a green "imp" Ghoulie, a "rat" Ghoulie and a "stripe" Ghoulie, but it's their ACTIONS that are such a radical departure.  In this film, they talk.  And not just sparingly.  Every time they're on screen, the script gives them a whole host of Freddy Kruger style one-liners to grace us with.  They've also got some new rules - in this movie, toilets serve as their portal within the various points of interest at Glazier college.  And, presumably, the world.  I've got to hand it to the screenwriter here - it takes some balls to make the toilets of Earth your primary villains' intraplanetary mode of transportation.  Ten points to the movie in this regard.

Anyway...since Ragnar ressurrected the Ghoulies, he has full control over their actions.  And what does he use this seemingly unlimited power for?  Ending Prank Week.  Man, this guy REALLY hates Prank Week.  In short order, we get our first kill scene in the movie, as the Ghoulies make quick work of Wes (which would be Pauly Shore guy, conveniently shown above along with his hottie blonde girlfriend).  How?  By quite literally flushing him down the toilet.  It should also be noted that we get some stellar nudity in this sequence from Hope Marie Carlton, the actress playing "Veronica," the movie's resident sluttish character.  This is, unfortunately, followed by a very hard-to-watch and unfunny five-minute-some sequence where the Ghoulies drink beer, belch, and flatulate, all while throwing words around like "idiot" and "schmuck" with reckless abandon.  This movie makes some endurance test whenever the Ghoulies are on screen.

In short order, we get this movie's money scene...the officially-sanctioned college movie panty raid sequence, as the Beta Theta's attempt...and fail...to raid some panties from the sorority house.  What does this mean for you, oh lucky viewer?  Oodles of gratuitious nudity, most notably more goodness from the blonde Goddess Hope Carlton.  This time, we get a completely pointless but also completely glorious striptease in her room followed by a VERY nice shower scene with Carlton and two other nameless chicks.  We get another death scene here, as the Ghoulies have also decided to crash the party...but who cares?  It's gratuitous nudity, one of the main ingredients missing from a lot of modern horror films, so soak it up while it's there.  A+++ for this sequence.

Ragnar gives a lecture in class about the corrupting evil that power grants people, then announces that if the pranking doesn't stop, he is going to recommend the Beta Zeta frat for expulsion.  Jeremy takes this opportunity to blow up Ragnar's desk, which of course leads to Skip taking the blame and promptly getting thrown out of school.  Even this isn't enough, as Ragnar orders the Ghoulies to kill Skip.  As previously mentioned, this guy REALLY hates pranking!  At any rate, this sets in motion act three of Ghoulies III.

First things first, Erin finds out that her boyfriend Jeremy was the douche all along (he's a sneaky one, the douche) who framed Skip for a few other pranks that have taken place throughout the film (like stealing the tinfoil Prank Crown) and makes up with our esteemed hero.  Moving swimmingly along, the Ghoulies attempt...and fail...to kill Skip with a massive Super Mario Bros. bob-omb only for this plan to backfire and explode in the presence of the movie's campus cop, whom I just realized I've left completely out of this review.  Which should be an indication as to how compelling his plot thread is. 

Anyway, Skip and Erin sneak over to Ragnar's office in an attempt to get him to reverse the expulsion only to get ambushed by Jeremy and the rest of the Gamma Scis.  Ragnar himself kidnaps Erin, leading to some fascinating sex-lust that is touched on by McCarthy's excellent delivery of the standard "we could be friends...GOOD friends" dialogue during the requisite bondage scene.

We get our rousing final confrontation scenes, as Skip fights off the Gamma Scis with his newfound Chuck Norris fighting ability and rescues Erin from Ragnar and the Ghoulies.  They gain control of the comic book and order the Ghoulies to attack Ragnar - which they do, leaving his body a big, green, gloppy mess on the floor for no apparent reason.  Although, since it's shown in such detail, obviously there must be a reason.  Spoiler alert.

Skip and Erin make their way back to the Beta Zeta house, where we get some lovely glimpses of the half-naked Eva LaRue.  I've only seen a grand total of one episode of CSI: Miami and can't say much as to her sex appeal these days, but she was quite the looker back in 1991.  Before we can get our Wayne's World-approved Mega Happy ending, however, Jeremy bursts into the house brandishing a shotgun...but not before something MUCH more fascinating comes back for revenge...

Yup.  See, earlier in the film, Ragnar had gone on this big manifesto about how, as the lord and master of Ghouliedom, his death would mean absorbing the collective powers of the creatures.  And, well, it's happened - and just look at the gloriousness on display in the above picture.  We get some long overdue hilarity here, albeit the unintentional kind, as McCarthy hams it up and attempts to look menacing in the big foam rubber monster costume.  All appears lost for our heroes as they are cornered in the bathroom - but then Skip flushes the all-powerful comic book into the toilet, spelling instant doom for the best damn college disciplinarian...there ever was.

And from here, we get our ACTUAL Wayne's World-approved Mega Happy Ending.  Skip gets the girl, the Beta Zeta's reclaim their prank crown, Jeremy gets expelled (since little-mentioned campus cop blames him for the bomb that blew up his golf cart - don't ask), and our final frame of the film shows a Ghoulie arm emerging from the toilet and crushing a beer can.  All smiles all around!

After highly enjoying the first two films in the Ghoulies franchise, I had high hopes for the third film in the series.  90 minutes later, I'm a little disheartened and not terribly looking forward to the fourth film.  While the second movie took a radically different approach to the material from the quite dark and serious original film, this one takes an even BIGGER quantum leap into the realm of goofball.  And while there are a couple glimmers of hope (including one of the Ghoulies saying "I'm sporting half a chubby!" during the awesome Hope Carlton shower scene), the humor in the flick falls flat on its face, failing to elicit any laughs from your humble host. 

In addition to that, while the actors give this their all (including a young Matthew Lillard as one of the frat guys), the characters are quite badly written.  Even the protagonists come off as quite dislikable people.  Undoubtedly, we have the most fun whenever McCarthy is on the screen; he's so goofy and over-the-top as Ragnar that watching him is always wildly amusing. 

Finally, the movie seems like a bit of a waste when it comes to the talents of one John Carl Buechler.  The movie earns its 'R' rating when it comes to nudity, but with Buechler's name attached, I expected some pretty out there murder set pieces.  That's not what we get.  Instead, we get the Ghoulies in extended "comedy" sequences that are anything but that, and while the animatronics and puppetry involved in the Ghoulie effects are pretty fluid and lifelike, the movie is a bit of a letdown considering some of the talent involved in their creation.

Having said all that, if nudity and hot girls are your thing...this movie is definitely worth a watch.  Let the record show that the Lick Ness Monster loves him some Hope Carlton!

 ** out of ****.  Mildly recommended for hardcore Ghoulies fans, not recommended for horror fans at large.