The Creeping Terror (1964)

1964

Directed by Vic Savage
Starring Vic Savage, Shannon O'Neil, William Thourlby and John Caresio

Now it's time for MST3K March to really kick into high gear.  In the mammoth 11-year history of the show, there might have been no stronger season than season six.  From the Colton Francis trilogy of doom (Google it) to Zombie Nightmare (which was also reviewed on the blog here at some point), the first full year with Mike Nelson as the host was definitely one for the ages.  And The Creeping Terror was another one of the big highlights.  As we're about to see, it definitely provides plenty of fodder for riffing, in addition to being pretty much universally recognized as one of the worst horror movies of all time.

There are stories abound on the interwebz about the making of this movie.  It really is quite the fascinating little story.  The brainchild of Vic Savage (who also starred in the film, if you want to put it that way), they had pretty much every production problem possible.  For starters, the film's original soundtrack was lost before release, meaning that they had to do either overdubbing of all the dialogue or just have voice-over describing everything going on, including conversations.  And there are some really interesting ones, believe me.  But more importantly, the movie's main monster itself was stolen by a vindictive special effects guy shortly before filming, meaning that they had to rebuild one - and fast.  The result is a creature that looks like an overgrown carpet.  Add in some bad actors, bad music and amazingly unscary scare scenes and you've in for a really good time.  Get ready.

Meet Sheriff's Deputy Martin Gordon, the movie's star character.  He's played by Vic Savage, and we're introduced to him as some fascinatingly bland narration gives us his epic story as he drives along a lonely highway with his new wife (Shanon O'Neil).  Nearby, an alien craft has just crashed and Gordon is very inquisitive about the matter.  Not quite enough to put his own life on the line when the gigantic creature that calls the craft home slides out the side of it, however.

Without a doubt, the most hilarious part of the film is the creature itself.  Actually, there is TWO of them.  I can't quite report what the things originally looked like before the effects guy got pissed off at the production and vanished with the original monster, but what we get is essentially a giant two-sided seat with a mouth.  It also moves around like a huge worm.  To their credit, being eaten by a gargantuan alien worm probably ranks pretty highly on the list of worst ways to die in the world, and the movie exploits this fact for all its worse.  Almost immediately, the town Sheriff and a park ranger are eaten by one of the aliens, which works out pretty good for Gordon since he is now the new head lawman in charge.  HLIC for short.

A lot of what happens in this movie can be summed up with the following: (1) Attack scene featuring the monster, (2) A LONG sequence of narration that sets up a new victim character, often accompanied by some inane music and dubbed-in dialogue, and (3) Another attack scene.  This is interspersed with occasional bits of Gordon and his men doing their best to track the creatures down.  It's all just as fascinating as it sounds.  Make no mistake, though, all of the best bits in this movie involve the monster.  There is an extended sequence involving a mother attending to her sick baby (with a rectal thermometer, no less - don't ask) that ends in tragedy.  But the peak of hilarity is reached when the requisite horror movie hot girl in a swimsuit is eaten.  And when you read "eaten," you should read "flailing her legs loudly while trying to make it seem like she is not crawling inside the fake monster's mouth."  Don't say that this movie isn't memorable.

After the movie's requisite body count has been reached, we arrive at a dance party populated by a bunch of early '60s cool hepcats.  Said scene is also accompanied by one of the most soul-destroyingly repetitive dance tracks in the history of film, and if you ever watch the MST3K episode where Mike listens to it for what seems like 17 hours you will NEVER get this tune burned out of your memory.  Where do we go from here?  The monsters attack the dance party, Sheriff Gordon shows up, explosions and fire, and a credits sequence that releases us from the mind-numbing mix of tedium and violence that preceded us.  Best of all, it was only 74 minutes long.

I'm not the only one who feels that this was one of the strongest episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000.  It was even chosen to be in the very first DVD box set that was released back in the early 2000s.  Oh man, that box set...I remember back when it came out and my plan was to buy every one that came out and eventually have the entire series.  What made this insane?  That first set cost $65, meaning that owning every episode would have cost me something like a solid gold island.  But if you look at the many, many fan sites and message board dedicated to this legendary show, you'll always find a lot of love for this film and the episode that lampooned it.

Why is that?  Well, it's a fun movie to laugh at.  It really did exemplify everything that was bad about the micro-budgeted horror movies of the '50s and '60s.  A horrible-looking monster, a terrible plot, wooden characters, laughable lines...you name it, it's all in here.  Throw in that ever-present narration and stuff like a gigantic alien worm creature looking for all intents and purposes like it's humping a car and you've got the makings of comedic gold.  Yeah, guys, this is a fun movie to watch and laugh at with your friends.  I can't say that I own a copy of this one in its original, un-MSTed form and I'm not even sure it exists.  That poster up above isn't even an official one because it doesn't exist, but man...a movie as trashy as this one DEFINITELY would have a poster like that, wouldn't it?

The rating: 1/2 * out of ****.  If you're even mildly curious about bad old horror movies or interested in watching some MST3K, this is definitely a good movie to start with because it's TERRIBLE.