Horror Nerd Cinema Bonus: "Zombieland"

Information that will surprise most: the Horror Nerd's least favorite subgenre of horror film is the zombie movie. I don't like Romero's "Dead" movies. At all. I've never seen the charms of the "Evil Dead" series, and even Peter Jackson's "Dead Alive" is a movie that left me feeling rather cold.

But allow me to focus on the Romero films for a moment (or at least the Romero films that I'm familiar with, which goes up to and includes "Land of the Dead"). I enjoy the original "Night of the Living Dead," but when it comes to the other zombie flicks I've seen, the defining characteristic that sticks out in my mind is the oft-repeated moral that the human beings in the film COULD survive the ordeal if they would just stop bitching at each other. Eventually, one or more of the party of surviving humans does something that royally screws the other characters over, causing a catastrophic chain of events that lead to the human characters being taught a lesson the hard way. Namely, winding up as zombie food.

To put it bluntly, I've always found this convention (that many zombie film-makers and writers alike seem to have a massive hard-on for) to be EXTREMELY contrived and unbelievable, existing only for the sake of the writer of the movie making some deep, and often didactic, point about humanity as a whole. Maybe this is just me, but watching these movies as a kid, I always thought that if a zombie apocalypse were to actually happen, every other human being that I saw would instantly become my new best friend, and that surviving humans would band together for the common goal of survival as opposed to the cutthroat nature of the Romero depresso-fests. Indeed, it seems as if the characters in Romero's universe are concocting ways to screw each other before even meeting up.

But you know what? Scratch all of the above, because it's way more thought than should really be put into "Zombieland," my new favorite zombie movie of all time. Yup, "Zombieland" scores the clean pinfall win over "Return of the Living Dead Part II," featuring even more fun, humor, and genuinely likable characters than the goofy 1988 film that I watched and enjoyed so much on MonsterVision back in the day.

This is a movie where virtually everything fires on all cylinders; director Ruben Fleischer and writers Rhett Rheese and Paul Wernick sought to create a movie that sent up the conventions of the zombie film without outright mocking them, provide a genuinely engaging human story with its charismatic four central characters, and knock your balls off with its quirky, offbeat sense of humor. Having just exited the theater a mere 16 hours ago, I can safely report mission accomplished on all counts.

The first character we meet is Columbus (Jesse Eisenburg), a college student who has concocted a meticulously detailed list of survival rules in Zombieland. Just like in the movies, a virus has spread among the population, and also just like in the movies, the virus spreads by zombie bites. Columbus always plays it safe; he begins the movie with four central rules ("Cardio," "Double Tap," "Beware Restrooms," and "Seatbelts"), and in the electrifying and hilarious opening sequence, we see examples of every rule in action.

While traveling the American countryside, Columbus (named after his hometown, as all four protagonists in this film are) meets up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), redneck zombie slayer who doesn't give a damn. While Columbus is a wussy scaredy-cat, Tallahassee is a reckless thrillseeker. The character is perhaps the most ingenious thing about "Zombieland"; he seems to enjoy the post-apocalyptic wasteland of America with the exuberance of a 10-year-old kid, and views zombie killing as an art form. In addition, his entire life is now about the pursuit of Twinkies. Because, in his own words, "in case you didn't know, Twinkies do have an expiration date!"

Conflict arises when two sisters, college-age Wichita (Emma Stone) and 12-year-old Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) con our heroes on two separate occasions. But while the two duos are mighty chilly toward each other in the beginning, this movie shows its true greatness - and originality within the confines of the zombie genre. Again, maybe I haven't seen many zombie movies, but I cannot overstate just how refreshing it is to see characters in a zombie movie actually working out their differences, cracking jokes, and eventually learning to get along. Compared to the countless numbskulls in Romero's one-note series attempting to either (a) convince all of the other characters that they, and they alone, know the solution to the current problem and that everyone else is an idiot, or (b) shamelessly trying to profit from the chaos, the flawed heroes of "Zombieland" endeared themselves to me on a first-name basis on the merit of NOT being Romero-like.

What's more, while this movie is comedy-focused through and through, the characters actually go through ARCS, instead of being douches who repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over again like the automotons that I'm used to in movies of this nature.
But I'm probably getting ahead of myself again. Truth be told, this is just a phenomenally entertaining movie from start to finish. While I probably SHOULD have known that my favorite scene in the film was coming, I'm not quite the upcoming movie monkey I used to be; thus, when the characters reach Los Angeles and decide to crash at a celebrity's mansion for a night, the destination that Tallahassee chooses was a total surprise to me. Not to mention that I got to spend 10 minutes with my favorite comedic actor of all time (playing himself, no less).

While Eisenburg, Stone, and Breslin are all very well-suited to their roles and blend in seamlessly with their simple but well-played characterizations, this movie belongs to Harrelson, plain and simple. Woody was the star of my #2 film of all time ("Kingpin") and a longtime favorite of mine dating back to my childhood spent watching "White Men Can't Jump" and "Cheers" reruns. And after a kickass supporting role in "No Country for Old Men," it's official - he's back as an A-list star. His portrayal of Tallahassee is a performance that literally makes you grin every time he shows up on screen; whether he's telling Eisenburg to nut op or shut up or debating the logistics of Hannah Montana with Breslin, this is one of the most entertaining film characters I have seen in a long time.

See this movie in a theater, if at all possible - my theater was pretty damn full, and in a packed house, this movie is a damn fun time. Perhaps the best endorsement that I can give this movie is that I didn't even FEEL tired sitting through this one, as I was rapidly approaching hour #20 of sleep deprivation, as per usual for Friday when I watched it. Honestly, this movie was so good that I temporarily forgot my own fatigue.

Joe Bob says check this one out.