The ten best horror movies of the decade

It's hard to believe it, but it's been almost ten years since the '90s crossed over into the big, scary 21st century. The 00's have gone by in seemingly blink-and-you-miss-it fashion, and we've seen more dramatic, Earth-shaking events in this time than I can even remember - or maybe even care to remember.

But that's not the reason you're all here today. Since we've reached the end of the Ought decade, this affords me - your ever-present Horror Nerd - the opportunity to wax rhapsodic on you from the bully pulpit of my keyboard and assault your optic nerves with the power of extremely hit-and-miss opinion. It seems that it's more miss than hit these days, especially since I've gotten more than a few messages saying that "Pet Sematary" of all things didn't deserve to be in the Horror Registry. Sorry, morons, it does.

A few months ago, I put the pen to paper on "Message to the Normals" - a manifesto detailing the reasons why horror is alive and well these days despite the ever-present naysayers (always with their sayings of NAY) proclaiming it dead and buried. And it's true - horror is back, and it's back in a big way. For as many slack-jawed miscreants that I've ran across in recent years who say "all horror movies are the same" with bombastic vehemence, this decade - maybe moreso than all the others - has been living proof that horror is a genre that just refuses to be defined. It's gone through a lot of sudden changes this decade, starting out in the "Scream"-styled postmodern age, continuing on with Japan-style thrillers and the Eli Roth "torture porn" subgenre, and recently finding the value of nostalgia in remaking countless classic slasher films from the '80s. Most recently, "Paranormal Activity" brought back the "cinema verite" style in an extremely creepy, unnerving film that JUST missed the cut.

Looking through this list, you'll notice that it's pretty foreign heavy. And once again, I have to point something out - I'm not an America basher. There are talented American horror film-makers, but it seems to me that in going through the horror films of the past ten years the American horror director has become very enamored with what I refer to as the LOUD NOISES sound scare stinger. Namely, firing a goddamn .22 off in your ear and calling a movie "scary." Whereas American horror movies of the past decade have depended on a movie theater's sound system to scare you, Japanese horror films have remained true to their roots, engaging in deep, soulful slow burns that pay just as much attention to character and mood as they do to MTV-ish editing and "Saw"-style over-the-top blood and guts. Again, I'm not an America basher (in fact, I'd be willing to bet that I love this stupid country more than many reading these words) - but when it comes to horror movies, the score for the past decade stands Asia 5, North America 2 (with three European movies thrown in for good measure).

I've also seen some other "Best of the Decade" lists that prominently feature films that shouldn't be there. "Japanese Extreme" films like "Battle Royale," "Oldboy" and "Machine Girl," while no doubt VERY awesome flicks, have no place on a list of the best horror films of the decade. They are bloody, chaotic, over-the-top action films, and I believe it a misnomer to include them on a list of this nature. In order to be included on this list, the primary directive of the movie had to be scaring an audience. And while the movies that I mentioned - along with a few others - may revolt with their extravagant and gory set pieces, they are not meant to scare you. They are meant to excite.

Enough masturbating. On with the top 10.

10. "Apartment 1303" (Japan, 2007)
This movie WILL be a controversial choice. It's not on any of the other ten best lists I've seen, it isn't very highly touted or talked about even among diehard J-horror fans, and it only has a 4.8 rating on imdb.com. But "Apartment 1303" is a movie that connected with me on a very personal, intimate level, and contains an excellent performance by Noriko Nakagoshi as the film's heroine. The story is typical J-horror ghost story - young girl mysteriously commits suicide in her new apartment, leaving the character's older sister (Nakagoshi) to solve the mystery of the CURSED (dum dum dum) apartment. But then something interesting happened - this movie delves into the love-hate relationship between Nakagoshi and her mother, contrasting it with the relationship between the film's ghost and her own mother. It also pays a LOT of attention to Nakagoshi's grief over the death of her sister, which hit home with me for obvious reasons. This movie does an awesome job making you care about its lead character, making the ending all the more heartbreaking. One of the true unsung horror films of the '00s, and DEFINITELY worth the $2.48 that it presently goes for on Amazon.

9. "[REC]" (Spain, 2007)
a.k.a. "the good version of 'Quarantine.'" Do not confuse this with the quality of that lame American remake, however, as "[REC]" is just an awesome movie. At times, it's very similar to John Carpenter's classic remake of "The Thing," with its small group of central characters trapped in a confined space with an unseen enemy that makes everyone in sight a possible enemy. The film follows a late-night Spanish TV anchor (Manuela Velasco) and her cameraman Pablo (Pablo Rosso) who cover the night shift at a local fire station. As they receive a call from a screaming woman at an apartment, the two station monkeys head along for the ride. Upon reaching the apartment building, they are surprised to find all of the apartment building's residents huddled in the lobby - and then the greatness of this movie begins unfolding. Unlike "Quarantine," this movie just builds and builds and builds its tension until it snaps tight like a bowstring. There's no greater illustration of the difference between slow burn and LOUD NOISES than this film and the American film it spawned.

8. "May" (United States, 2002)
If you're looking for a movie that will fuck you up in ten different ways, look no further. "May" is one of the most clever and well-written horror thrillers of the decade, with a third act that must be seen to be believed. The film focuses on the title character (played by Angela Bettis in a performance that deserved Oscar consideration) - a shy, awkward, lonely woman who grew up with only her dolls as friends. May gets involved in a life triangle of sorts, attracting the attention of a pretentious Avant-Garde film-maker (Jeremy Sisto) and an attractive female co-worker (Anna Faris, who I consider to be the best female comedic actor currently working, but she's dead serious here and is aces in the role). To make a long story short, she gets her heart broken by both potential suitors - and then begins trying to put together her perfect friend. The above sounds like a soap opera, but make no mistake - "May" is a horror film, and when May begins searching for those perfect pieces to make up her ultimate ally, you'll have trouble looking away from the TV even if you're revolted by what is transpiring.

7. "American Psycho" (United States, 2000)
There are some very gory and intricate kill scenes in "American Psycho," the 2000 tour-de-force that put Christian Bale on the map and vividly brought to life the novel by Bret Easton Ellis, but as strange as this may sound, this might be the most quotable horror movie of all time. It is a testament to writer-director Mary Harron that so many of the novel's memorable monologues - including sidesplitting commentary on famous '80s musical artists Genesis, Huey Lewis and the News, and Whitney Houston - made it into the movie almost verbatim. Not only that, but it doesn't interrupt the flow of the events at all. Above all else, this is just a stunning portrayal of one man's slow descent into insanity. When we first meet Patrick Bateman (Bale), he has already decided to go down a very dark path in life - successful corporate vice president by day, murderer by night. Throughout the course of the film, his murders pick up in intensity and frequency until it dominates his every waking thought - but then this movie hits you with its ambiguous ending, and we're left to wonder if anything portrayed in this film was real. I enjoy movies that make you think, and "American Psycho" is one of them.

6. "The Descent" (United Kingdom, 2005)
Want to see some ass-kicking chicks? "The Descent" is the place to be. Much more so than the certainly good but, in my humble opinion, overly ballyhoed Tarantinofest "Death Proof," "The Descent" features a core group of female characters that we genuinely grow to care about (noticing a recurring trend here about what makes a good horror film? It's called emotional investment). Writer-director Neil Marshal, who earlier struck big with 2002's "Dog Soldiers," chose the Jeff Long novel of the same name as his follow-up film in a stroke-of-genius move. In "The Descent," five friends (one of them with a tragic past) go on a caving trip in the U.S. Appalachian mountains. Instead of going into the well-explored cave system, one of the members of the group misleads the others into traversing an unknown one. Of course, our heroines get trapped inside the caves along with terrifying humanoid creatures known only as "Crawlers." Folks, this flick has more than a few genuine creep-you-out moments and a cast of memorable, eclectic characters who - wait for it - actually DON'T act like morons in the face of what they're up against.

5. "Suicide Club" (Japan, 2002)
The first scene of this movie is unforgettable - a group of 54 (the exact number) smiling, giggling Japanese high school girls make their way across a train station, appearing totally carefree and the picture of innocent youth. Reaching the terminal, the girls scream a rallying cry in unison and casually throw themselves in front of an oncoming train in a horrific mass suicide. And people, this is just the beginning. "Suicide Club" is a horror movie with something to say. It depicts the effect that pop culture has on all of our psyches, the fads of youth, and the Goth/Emo culture simultaneously with shocking force. While other Japanese horror films act as the proverbial tea kettle on a stove, this film throws one disturbing scene at you after another. But despite it all, we do not get numbed to the parade of suicides that sweep across the land of the rising sun - rather, we get drawn into the struggle of Mitsuko (Saya Hagiwara), the one character in this film who truly has a reason to be sad while the fad-obsessed youth of Japan begin killing themselves with horrifying voracity. This character arc is the strong center of "Suicide Club," and makes what could have been just another shock picture immortal.

4. "Marebito" (Japan, 2005)
There are many films that devote themselves specifically to the psyche of one character and pick apart that psyche to the point of parody. Of these, the best I have ever seen is "Marebito," the 2005 masterpiece from J-horor mastermind Takashi Shimizu (the creator of the "Ju-On" and "Grudge" series). Our main character in this film is Masuoka (Shinya Tsukamoto), and any effort at describing his character fail at conveying its depth. He is a photographer, he is obsessed with the dark side of life, and he is self-destructive - we'll just leave it at that. After catching a gory suicide in a Tokyo subway station on tape, Masuoka becomes obsessed with seeing what the man saw before his death, and ventures deep within Tokyo's underground labyrinth to find it. What he finds is "F" (Tomomi Miyashita, who is dynamite) - a mute, naked girl chained to a wall, presumably a prisoner of an underground society of "deros" (short for detrimental robots) who used her for sadistic pleasure. The relationship between F and Masuoka is the lynchpin of this magnificent movie, and if you're willing to look deeper within the metaphors of this film's narrative, what you'll find is a deep (but gory and horrific) study of deviant psychology.

3. "A Tale of Two Sisters" (Korea, 2004)
One of the most critically praised horror films of the decade, and for good reason. "A Tale of Two Sisters" is just that - a story about the bond between siblings and its carryover from life to the hereafter. The film begins with Su-Mi (Im Soo Jung) and Su-yeong (Moon Geun Young) arriving at their father's residence to meet his new wife (Yeom Jeong-ah, AWESOME in the wicked stepmother role). Of course, all sorts of creepy things begin happening at the house, while the stepmother makes life a living hell for both of her new stepdaughters/captives. The questions soon begin piling up in "A Tale of Two Sisters" - why does the husband say that Su-yeong is dead, who was the ghost underneath the sink, what happened in the terrifying nighttime scene, etc.? "A Tale of Two Sisters" is a movie that keeps you guessing right up until its final frame, but its true greatness lies in its unforgettable cast of characters, each of them brought stunningly to life by its respective actors. If this story sounds familiar, it should - it was remade this year as "The Uninvited," a movie that didn't have one tenth of the raw power of this Korean masterpiece.

2. "Let the Right One In" (Sweden, 2008)
I wrote a giant-sized Horror Nerd review of this movie a few months ago, and it deserved all of the heaping praise I gave it then and continue to give it now. Oskar (Kare Hedebrant) is a bullied, shy youth in his snowy Swedish village, looking for any way to escape from the hooligans who make him regret waking up in the morning. Enter Eli (Leah Leandersson) - a beautiful girl who sees the kindhearted soul in Oskar and quickly forms a strong bond with him. But while we immediately like Eli, we can tell that not all is right with her. The subject of vampirism wastes little time getting brought up in "Let the Right One In"; this is a horror film, after all. BUT (so many eponymous BUTS in this article, isn't there?) what makes "Let the Right One In" a truly special movie is the way that the relationship between Eli and Oskar unfolds. I compare this movie to the "Twilight" movie and book series, which has its fans, but overall is completely devoid of any genuine heart, soul, or depth. For those of you out there sick of the "Twi-hards" and their holy series, give this underlooked gem a shot, as this is a vampire love story with more blood in its veins than "Twilight" could ever hope to have.

1. "Ju-On" (Japan, 2003)
So here we are - the best horror movie of the decade, and the film that inspired three (to date) American "Grudge" films (which, believe it or not, are actually pretty good). "Ju-On," which goes by many titles (in Japan its official title is "Ju-On 3," as it was the third film in the series after two direct-to-video efforts, and is known as "Ju-On: The Grudge" here in the States), is the "Pulp Fiction" of horror movies. It breaks its structure up into character-focused chapters, and gives us plenty of character buildup and slow burn until each victim's ultimate end at the hands of awesome Kayako. Virtually everything that you could want in a horror film is here, with the exception of gratuitous gore. Likeable heroine? Check, in the form of Rika Nishina (Megumi Okina). Countless creepy scenes with genuine power to keep you up at night? Check (the "pulled-into-the-bed" and "high school friends coming back for revenge" sequences are living proof). Badass villains? Takako Fuji, who plays Kayako (the titular "Ju-On," or cursed ghost), invests so much genuine malice and bad intent into the character that this reporter believes it a crime that Fuji isn't mentioned in the same breath as Robert Englund and Kane Hodder. The story, as it is, is secondary - Kayako (Fuji) and her son Toshio, who were brutally murdered in a typical-looking Japanese house, continue to stick around after death to follow - and eventually murder - anyone who enters their former abode. "Ju-On" is less about its story than it is about the parts that make up its whole. This is a very scary film, with excellent performances by its victim characters, and, of course, the unforgettable Takako Fuji taking up permanent space in the part of your brain that never quite shuts off and creeps up when all the lights are out in your house. Writer/director Takashi Shimizu, who directed six "Ju-On" and "Grudge" movies (if you're keeping score, he also helmed #4 "Marebito") scores a magnum opus with this one. ***CCCC RRRRR OOOO AAAAAAA KKKKKK....."

While it's true that we have approximately forty days to go in the decade of the Zeros, it would take quite a bit to unseat any of the ten movies listed above. For a good indication of what good horror is all about - or just for a fun night in with your friends - you can't go wrong with any of the horrific opuses contained within this list.

As for honorable mentions, I have to throw shout outs to some very strong showings by the classic villains of my youth - 2004's "Seed of Chucky" was the psychopathic doll at his very best (please please PLEASE never make a "Child's Play" movie without Brad Dourif, Don Mancini!), "Freddy vs. Jason" was everything we hoped it would be and more, and this year's "Friday the 13th" and "My Bloody Valentine" remakes were primal slasher flicks for this generation. Lastly, with much regrets that they couldn't make it, "The Strangers" was an American reminder that silence is scarier than any loud noise, and if there were any justice "Midnight Meat Train" would have seen the Halloween 2008 release date instead of "Saw X-7 in Space" (or whichever one they're on now).

The Horror Nerd has spoken...until next time (namely, another ten years).